Definitions by Darren Besert

Pulling a Sound of Music 

Gallivanting with exuberance through a valley, over a hill, across a field, or into a sunset. Usually performed until physical exhaustion resulting in collapse.

Internal Monologue- “I need to be writing, but my writers block makes me wants to take off running into the wheat field around this building, arms stretched wide, until I collapse. I can just imagine judgmental eyes starring on from the parking lot as they silently ponder the reason why I’m “Pulling a Sound of Music” this afternoon. “Did he get fired?” “Is someone chasing him?” “Should we run too?” When I tire, I’ll take a swan dive into the wheat and disappear below the stocks; out of sight. That’s where I’ll lie until I can come to grips with sitting at my desk for the rest of the day. I’m sure security will be called due to this strange behavior and they’ll surely investigate only to find me slowly disappearing out of sight and into the Kansas abyss. They’ll laugh and dub me the “Wheat Runner”. A slow walk back will return me to the building and my desk where I will, of course, deny ever having done such a thing despite the numerous eye witness accounts.

Pulling a Sound of Music by Darren Besert March 29, 2017

Trolling and Vino 

The perfect hump day combination for provocateurs and pranksters. No Wednesday night is complete without the needless, drunken, badgering of one’s adversaries via social media.

Betsy: What are we doing tonight, honey? She’s asks….already knowing the answer
Darren: “It’s Wednesday.” Spoken with a sarcastic tone and a hint of disbelief
Betsy: “and….” Her eye’s roll
Darren: “A little Trolling and Vino”
Besty “Aren’t you getting a little old for this kind of behavior?”
Darren sip. click, click, click, click… #GrotesqueMonsterWife badgering me again. Mean meme forthcoming. #DarrenBesertMemeMachine #BestedByBesert #MonetizeTheMemes

Trolling and Vino by Darren Besert March 20, 2017

hatemeal

When your meal doesn’t go as planned, for one reason or another, so you angrily plow your way through the food for the shear nourishment. Hatemeal is often the result of a failed recipe, poor cooking technique, or even poor dinner company.

Cody: I just watched a guy storm around the corner and throw a frozen dinner in the microwave. He slammed the Cook button, then the 6, then Start button and then stormed off. The microwave ran for 6 seconds...

Chris: That's too good. His anger should be able to heat the dish thoroughly when he returns in 5 minutes 54 seconds and realizes what he had done (or doesn't realize and blames it on the microwave).
I'm jealous I didn't get to witness that. Video?

Cody: It all happened so fast. He was like the Flash. What makes it funnier is that I watched the keystrokes and I still couldn't stop him before he had blazed off. What make him think that he's gonna have time to eat if he can’t even take the time to cook the food properly?

Chris: Ha. No kidding.

Cody: He seems stressed and this failure surely didn't help, but this will be a good lesson for him. It’s totally within the realm of possibility that he just ate it "as is". Just angrily crunched his way through his icey lunch. That'll teach em.

Chris: Hatemeal. Could be an Urban Dictionary entry.

Cody: Ah! good idea. My creative juices are not flowing in this vanilla environment though. I may have Darren get on that one.

Darren: Done.

hatemeal by Darren Besert February 1, 2017

The Calendar Option 

A technique of temporarily “saving face” with colleagues, bosses, customers, and auditors by changing every calendar and clock in a particular workplace in an effort to cover up a missed deadline. “The Calendar Option” is the “Nuclear Option” of work place fault misdirection. “The Calendar Option” should only be used when the monumental task of changing dozens of calendars, clocks, and watches pales in comparison to actually completing ones assigned task on time. Hacking of local computer and cellular networks is usually preferred, as these sources represent the primary ways of determining dates and times. “The Calendar Option” will buy you enough time to prepare a resume, write a cover page, and apply for other jobs in the timespan prior to your superiors realizing you’ve elegantly gamed them to death. Worried about future employment? Don’t! One who can successfully employ “The Calendar Option” is often far under-employed anyway. This fact is clearly demonstrated as the time, energy, intelligence and sheer skill required to pull off the maneuver could be accomplished by no less than an American, tier 1, Special Forces operator who is also a Ninja.

Are you late? Can’t blame a colleague? Can’t blame your computer? Can’t blame the weather? Don’t even bother! Just employ “The Calendar Option” and you won’t need to blame a thing because the calendar and clocks say “you’re not late!”

late nuclear option option ninja bad employee blame

The Calendar Option by Darren Besert January 21, 2016

Bravo Love 

Two men eating opposite ends of a single Taco Bravo until they meet in the center and things get weird. (Lady and the Tramp style).

Sarah: Did you see Jack and John pounding the same Taco Bravo at lunch today?
Jayme: I did, but no worries, they’re really close. Some serious Bravo Love going on there.

Bravo Love by Darren Besert August 28, 2014