D. Gould's definitions

back alley parkin'

Occurs during the act of "doggy-style" sexual intercourse. When the giver attempts to enter the receiver's anus, without first requesting permission to do so. Usually resulting in the incompletion of said act.

"Homes trying to slip in, a back alley parkin' job on his woman. But she revoked his driver's licence!"

by D. Gould January 6, 2006

bathhouse bandit

A homosexual or bi-sexual, habitually found at a bathhouse. Often for days at a stretch. Perpetually high on "E", and often found crusing the halls for quick, casual sex. Also describes a "hustler", who wanders the bathhouse, covertly looking for tricks. Despite their obvious access to running water and hygiene products, they often appear somewhat disheveled. With characteristic bloodshot eyes, that possess a glazed-over appearance.

"I just went in to take a shower, and this bathhouse bandit tried to suck my dick!"

by D. Gould January 11, 2006

professional browser

A customer, who's well schooled in the practice of appearing aloof, to the salesperson's offer of assistance. More often than not, it is a facade. The more the profesional browser appears aloof, the more likley they are seriously interested in the product the are inspecting.

"The professional browser tried that jacket on three times. Alot, for someone claiming to not be interested in it."

by D. Gould January 12, 2006

quality control

Used in retail, to describe a customer who insists on handling everything, but purchasing nothing. Most often they are white men. Middle aged to early seniors, married, heavyset, with thick glasses. Can easily be spotted, because they inspect the price tag, while holding it three inches from their face.

"Don't waste your time helping 'quality control', when there are serious buyers elsewhere in the shop."

by D. Gould January 28, 2007

repeat offender

A customer, who habitually returns purchases, for no good reason, other than to be a complete pain in the ass. During the original purchase, they bombard the salesperson, with questions regarding refund and return policies. So frequently and with such conviction, the salesperson can almost predict them coming back within 48 hours or less. This process can possibly go on for months, before it is finally resolved. Easily spotted, because everything they say about the product is jaded and pessimistic.

"That guy's my 'repeat offender'. Send someone else to deal with him. On second, thought? FUCK THAT SHIT. Throw his ass out, and call the cops if me makes a fuss!"

by D. Gould January 13, 2006

professional bargainer

In retail, a customer who feels they are absolved, for whatever reason, from paying the full retail, or even sale price, of an item. They are ruthlessly aggressive, cutthroat, and Grade-A social bottomfeeders, of the lowest order. Often they will use every lie or excuse in the book, in order to garnish themselves a deal. They will claim a product is damaged, when it is not. They will claim to be family of staff, when they are not. Females will attempt to use sexual charm, while males prefer verbal aggression, to try and break down a salesperson. Easily spotted. Often found standing in the middle of the store, yelling at the top of their lungs, and making an ass of themselves.

"If that 'professional bargainer' makes a purchase from you, make sure you hit him up with the hidden 'PAIN IN MY ASS' tax. He has it coming to him!"

by D. Gould January 13, 2006

crackerjack

Someone who is clearly addicted to crack cocaine. Characterized by skitish movements, poor hygiene, and a willingness to do anything for the drug. Often observed wandering aimlessly during all hours of the night, in search of their next fix.

"Yo...That crackerjack sucked off me and my whole crew, for five bucks!"

by D. Gould January 13, 2006