Covido's definitions

Politicians’ Epitaphs

The unspoken words invisibly inscribed on the tombstones of famous or notorious political leaders, whose earthly decisions and actions (or inactions) have positively or negatively impacted millions of people when they were the head of state (or even after they had relinquished power).

A leaked document entitled “Politicians’ Epitaphs” from the secret department of a NATO member state has the following printed:

Here lies Vladimir V. Putin with promises of peace—waiting to be canonized by the Orthodox Church.

Here lies Donald J. Trump with no more lies—hoping to be a future Dalai Lama or Pope.

Here lies Kim Jong-un, on transit to join his dad and grandad—in Hades.

Here lies Robert G. Mugabe on reclaimed white land—still in purgatory.

Here lies Harry Lee Kuan Yew—as long as the whites rule the “fine” city.

by Covido April 23, 2022

Covid Pass

A certificate that proves that someone had been corona-vaccinated, which would allow them to travel to many countries without having to quarantine before their departure and after their arrival.

Bob wasn’t allowed to board his flight because he forgot to bring along his Covid pass.

by Covido December 12, 2020

Covid-🚬

When smoking opens up the arteries, which could allegedly help to better fight the viruses in the body, with tobacco companies excited to fund any research that shows that nicotine in controlled amounts is a potential cure to the coronavirus.

Chain smokers are thrilled to hear that Covid-🚬 is their friend rather than their foe in fighting Covid-19.

by Covido December 25, 2020

Covid-🧬👁

When a few countries with the capability of developing a Covid-19 vaccine are getting their hackers to spy on each other’s research development of the virus so that they could become the first nation to launch it.

The notorious Covid-🧬👁 perpetrators are Russia, China, North Korea, and Iran, with the US and a few others pretending not to be involved in the dirty spying business.

by Covido November 14, 2020

Covid-🥷🏿

When radical Islamists and jihadists have taken advantage of the lockdown during the coronavirus pandemic to mobilize themselves in carrying out terrorist attacks against “infidels” and politicians who speak out against those try to impose their extremist ideology on others.

In many African and Asian countries that have been infiltrated by extremists and jihadists, locals are more frightened of Covid-🥷🏿 than Covid-19.

by Covido November 22, 2020

Maskology

The art of predicting what kind of person someone is, or what is presently preoccupying their mind, by looking at the type of face mask they are wearing in public places.

Thanks to maskology, it’s not hard to judge the heart condition of a masker: donning a mask without covering their nose; wearing a rainbow or pink mask all the time; painting a mask on their face that deceptively looks like they’ve put on one; or sporting a green or black mask with the ISIS logo on it.

by Covido March 10, 2022

Math Homework Crackdown

When the Communist Party of China (CCP) is toying with the idea of limiting the number of hours students could spend on their school math homework every day, much to the relief of millions of math-anxious students and their parents, so that the time could be better spent on non-academic pursuits, or on familiarizing themselves with Xi’s socialist writings.

Unlike the CCP’s dreaded crackdown of its domestic gaming industry, such as prohibiting minors from playing video games Monday through Thursday and limiting their play to one hour on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights, its rumored math homework crackdown is being anticipated by both students and parents.

by Covido August 29, 2022