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Cap'n Bullmoose's definitions

pawnbroker's balls

The upper limit of extreme, uncomfortable cold, not measurable with a thermometer.
Man, it's colder than a pawnbroker's balls. All three of 'em.
by Cap'n Bullmoose April 21, 2005
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homosexual

An extremely offensive word used to villify a poofter, a butt eating faggot, a turd burglar, a corn holer, or a swishy mama's boy.
A person is not born a homosexual. He is not born eating butt or corn holing the dog. A person chooses to become a homosexual. Behavior makes a person a homosexual. You do not become a homosexual by eating chocolate cake. You become a homosexual by eating butt.
Lemony is a homosexual. He enjoys fluttering his wrists, lisping, and going "tsk!" He decided to become a homosexual the day he decided to corn hole the dog.
by Cap'n Bullmoose October 27, 2007
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.45-70

The .45-70 is a very old, very large rifle cartridge. The fine lever action Marlin model 1895 is chambered for the .45-70. The typical factory load has a 400 grain flat tipped or hollow point bullet. This is a fine cartridge for white-tail and mule deer, elk, moose, bison, and bears of all kinds.
The .45-70 is also a wonderful cartridge for use in the city. The large, heavy bullet makes effective kills on Bloods, Crips, Pachucos, and other slime-ball vermin. With the standard open sights on a Marlin 1895, you can easily grease a greaser at 300 feet -- far out of range of the kinds of guns criminals carry.
You do not have to worry about Crips or Pachukes getting their greasy hands on a .45-70 rifle to shoot back. First, pantywaist liberals in big cities do not own .45-70 rifles, so punks can't steal them. Second, inner city hoodlum slimes all fire guns by holding them on their side at arm's length. If a Pachuco tries that with a .45-70, he will bust all his teeth and his greasy nose too.
Belt Mountain Enterprises makes a "punch bullet" in .45-70. A punch bullet will go through a moose, a bear, or a bison from end to end. It will just as easily go through 11 or 12 Bloods. After it comes out of the last criminal, it will splat against a building, destroying all identifying rifle marks. With a good .45-70 carbine and punch bullets, you can begin cleaning up the neighborhood this afternoon. But be aware that pantywaist liberals hate punch bullets almost as much as they hate guns.
Position yourself correctly in the street, and you can get 8 or 9 low riders with one .45-70 punch bullet.
While Greasy Ramon was taking a dump in front of the bank, he got shot in the ass with a .45-70.
by Cap'n Bullmoose October 30, 2007
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boogar man

A big, scary, ugly, mean monster who lives in your closet, or under your bed, or maybe out in the woods, and who will jump out and scare you half to death.
Portagee women love to scare their children with the booger man.
by Cap'n Bullmoose April 23, 2005
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wino lunch box

A dumpster. A large trash receptacle usually found outside business establishments. A bin in which winos and bums go dumpster diving.
Edgar and Louise found breakfast in the wino lunch box behind Maxim's.
by Cap'n Bullmoose April 20, 2005
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Wetlands

The liberal word for a swamp, a marsh, or a mudflat.
You must never say "swamp" when a white liberal is in the room. She will be offended! You must always say "wetlands" so she won't be offended.
by Cap'n Bullmoose October 18, 2008
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ass bandit

An arse bandit. A corn holer. A turd burglar. A peanut butter packer. A flaming faggot. A sissy boy. A girly boy.
Emlyn is an ass bandit. He enjoys eating butt for desert. For fun, he corn holes the dog.
by Cap'n Bullmoose October 9, 2007
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