Charter Communications Marketing Plan:
1. Find a former-hick community, say, Sparks, Nevada that is rapidly growing technologically.
2. Buy up all the rights to the cable lines within the new housing complexes in construction, and make those cable lines available only to Charter only.
3. When new owners of a home move in, bombard their mailbox with faster internet service ads.
4. Provide the service, seemingly superior in speed and reliability compared to their nonexistent competitors at first, but then after the first week, totally flips out, and has long downtimes and ignorant customer support reps that love to talk back against angry customers.
5. When customer opts out of the service, remind them that they need to pay a $200+ separation fee because their first month is not up, and not even the first 2 years of their contract.
6. When customer REALLY WANTS OUT, then remind him or her that their ass still belongs to Charter, and theres no other alternative except a slower and still just as unreliable ClearWire Wi-Fi broadband in the neighborhood.
7. When customer threatens to sue, Charter pays electric company to cut off all power, except for a few D-Batteries to power a portable TV connected to a portable VHS player, reminding them that they can stop this by switching back.
8. Don't provide them any service anyways, and bill them $4000 a month in retaliation for their lifetimes. Also armed guards patrol the outside of their doors at all times, with rottweilers bred for the taste of human flesh drooling on the windows.
1. Find a former-hick community, say, Sparks, Nevada that is rapidly growing technologically.
2. Buy up all the rights to the cable lines within the new housing complexes in construction, and make those cable lines available only to Charter only.
3. When new owners of a home move in, bombard their mailbox with faster internet service ads.
4. Provide the service, seemingly superior in speed and reliability compared to their nonexistent competitors at first, but then after the first week, totally flips out, and has long downtimes and ignorant customer support reps that love to talk back against angry customers.
5. When customer opts out of the service, remind them that they need to pay a $200+ separation fee because their first month is not up, and not even the first 2 years of their contract.
6. When customer REALLY WANTS OUT, then remind him or her that their ass still belongs to Charter, and theres no other alternative except a slower and still just as unreliable ClearWire Wi-Fi broadband in the neighborhood.
7. When customer threatens to sue, Charter pays electric company to cut off all power, except for a few D-Batteries to power a portable TV connected to a portable VHS player, reminding them that they can stop this by switching back.
8. Don't provide them any service anyways, and bill them $4000 a month in retaliation for their lifetimes. Also armed guards patrol the outside of their doors at all times, with rottweilers bred for the taste of human flesh drooling on the windows.
by C Tan October 19, 2007
Idol of impressionable computer geeks everywhere.
For any pimply, pasty nerd thats too chickenshit to go get the mail outside because the deadly solar rays reflected by the moon will burn their skin like dried straw, they look to the Great Overlord Maddox as their guidance.
According to the teachings of the Great Maddox:
1. All computer nerds love Tabasco Sauce, because subjecting your tastebuds to a food condiment that'll singe the fuck out of your tastebuds is the best way to prove that your too fucking macho for your less macho peers. The testosterone increase from the burning pain will give you the balls you need to log back on IRC chat and give your online opponents a sound verbal thrashing, perhaps causing your nerdy rival to shoot himself in front of his webcam.
2. All computer nerds must routinely beat their women to reaffirm that they are the head of the house, and her main man. Doesn't really apply though, because computer nerds will remain virgins forever.
3. All computer nerds do what they want and feel. If a nerd does not want to go outside to Gold's Gym to do some bench presses or run on the treadmill, they don't have to! If a nerd doesn't want to lose weight, and just keep packing on some more weight from hot pockets, Pocky brand wood sticks, and root beer, he doesn't have to!
For any pimply, pasty nerd thats too chickenshit to go get the mail outside because the deadly solar rays reflected by the moon will burn their skin like dried straw, they look to the Great Overlord Maddox as their guidance.
According to the teachings of the Great Maddox:
1. All computer nerds love Tabasco Sauce, because subjecting your tastebuds to a food condiment that'll singe the fuck out of your tastebuds is the best way to prove that your too fucking macho for your less macho peers. The testosterone increase from the burning pain will give you the balls you need to log back on IRC chat and give your online opponents a sound verbal thrashing, perhaps causing your nerdy rival to shoot himself in front of his webcam.
2. All computer nerds must routinely beat their women to reaffirm that they are the head of the house, and her main man. Doesn't really apply though, because computer nerds will remain virgins forever.
3. All computer nerds do what they want and feel. If a nerd does not want to go outside to Gold's Gym to do some bench presses or run on the treadmill, they don't have to! If a nerd doesn't want to lose weight, and just keep packing on some more weight from hot pockets, Pocky brand wood sticks, and root beer, he doesn't have to!
Maddox isn't your role model and god. Fucking go outside and do something with your life. If you are any sort of a real man, you should be able to think independently rather than copycatting another loser.
Or you can just perceive Maddox's Best Page In The Universe as very clever satire of common misconceptions of manliness and machoism.
Maddox basically states that "men":
1. Are always insecure about their sexuality, and hates fags because of that.
2. Do stupid thinks to make people think they're really "men".
3. Engage in random acts of violence from testosterone poisoning.
4. Own an entire harem of expendable wives.
Or you can just perceive Maddox's Best Page In The Universe as very clever satire of common misconceptions of manliness and machoism.
Maddox basically states that "men":
1. Are always insecure about their sexuality, and hates fags because of that.
2. Do stupid thinks to make people think they're really "men".
3. Engage in random acts of violence from testosterone poisoning.
4. Own an entire harem of expendable wives.
by C Tan October 29, 2007
Something that impressionable nerds started chowing down on just because Maddox, Chuck Norris, and United States Marines started to talk about the stuff, so wimpy skinny nerds love it too!
Its like when people started twirling pens when they saw Top Gun. Of course they felt it looked retarded, but it looked cool in front of the chicks.
Unfortunately it doesn't obscure the fact that you have poor hygiene, a ugly face, and poor social skills. All you achieved is totally destroying all your taste buds with a shitty sauce thats based upon pure-heat than flavor.
Its like when people started twirling pens when they saw Top Gun. Of course they felt it looked retarded, but it looked cool in front of the chicks.
Unfortunately it doesn't obscure the fact that you have poor hygiene, a ugly face, and poor social skills. All you achieved is totally destroying all your taste buds with a shitty sauce thats based upon pure-heat than flavor.
The only good use for Tabasco Sauce is to hide the lousy taste of terrible cooking.
Otherwise it just ruins and vandalizes good ol' homecooked flavor with vinegar, peppar, and salt.
Your a loser if you eat Tabasco sauce just because Maddox said so. Go BECOME a role model instead of imitating a crazed internet nerd who worked as a telemarketer. You fail at everything in life if you can't make your own decisions and rely on Maddox to tell you what.
Yeah I know there are other crappy flavors of Tabasco, but you'll just get called a faggot by a insecure nerd for looking at a bottle of chipotle sauce.
Otherwise it just ruins and vandalizes good ol' homecooked flavor with vinegar, peppar, and salt.
Your a loser if you eat Tabasco sauce just because Maddox said so. Go BECOME a role model instead of imitating a crazed internet nerd who worked as a telemarketer. You fail at everything in life if you can't make your own decisions and rely on Maddox to tell you what.
Yeah I know there are other crappy flavors of Tabasco, but you'll just get called a faggot by a insecure nerd for looking at a bottle of chipotle sauce.
by C Tan September 03, 2007
Tasty looking things, without a proper definite size, usually they can range from narrow and long, to miniscule and round. This gives me the impression that Cheetos are just made from the dough-runoffs of other snack food brands, so the makers can just make some extra money.
Manager: The immigrant workers have been complaining about constantly scooping off the excess dough from the cutouts of our Doritos brand.
CEO: Lets save both them, and me, some time, and money, by allowing the scraps to drop into a deep fryer ingeniously positioned beneath the conveyor belts meant for our less popular lines of snack foods.
Manager: Capital idea! We should call them Cheetos!
CEO: Now go fire all the workers and manual dough handlers!
CEO: Lets save both them, and me, some time, and money, by allowing the scraps to drop into a deep fryer ingeniously positioned beneath the conveyor belts meant for our less popular lines of snack foods.
Manager: Capital idea! We should call them Cheetos!
CEO: Now go fire all the workers and manual dough handlers!
by C Tan March 05, 2006