Definitions by Brett Burkhardt
QVC Crack Head
I was horrified when I saw that aunt Mary spent over a thousand dollars a month on crap from QVC but when she told me she returned all but $20 worth of stuff I knew she was a real QVC crack head.
QVC Crack Head by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008
Jewelry Junky
Someone who spends all their money on ugly, shitty jewelry and insists on wearing as much of it as possible.
April hated her jewelry junky roommate. You could hear the banging and clicking of her ugly necklaces, bracelets, anklets, and rings every time she moved around the house.
Annie was a pathetic jewelry junky. She’d parade around the office in 10 cheap gold chains and bracelets up to her elbows.
Annie was a pathetic jewelry junky. She’d parade around the office in 10 cheap gold chains and bracelets up to her elbows.
Jewelry Junky by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008
Martyr Moment
A moment of self denial, privation, or sacrifice that a person uses for sympathy and pity for years on end or to guilt people into doing what they want.
Ed knew that driving his girlfriend to the airport at 4am was just the martyr moment he needed to get more oral.
“Lilly, you can just jump down off that cross now. Staying three minutes after work is not a martyr moment worthy of asking for Friday night off.”
“Lilly, you can just jump down off that cross now. Staying three minutes after work is not a martyr moment worthy of asking for Friday night off.”
Martyr Moment by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008
Tip Priority
Matt had 8 pizzas to deliver but tip priority meant that he’d deliver the freshest one first. That guy always slipped him a $20.
Ari knew that the woman at table two was very generous and gave her table tip priority all night.
Ari knew that the woman at table two was very generous and gave her table tip priority all night.
Tip Priority by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008
Transfer Troll
An asshole who transfers someone to you or another department even though they can handle the problem themselves.
Margo in accounting was a huge transfer troll. She’d send your ass to shipping just so she wouldn’t have to answer any questions about shipping costs that she was entering into the system.
Transfer Troll by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008
Hold Hostage
When you’re waiting on hold for someone and know that the second you answer another call or check another line they’ll answer and hang up when you don’t answer right away.
I’ve been a hold hostage for 8 minutes now. I know that if that whore in accounts receivable picks up when I try and answer this other line she’ll disconnect.
Hold Hostage by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008
Credit Creep
Someone who’s always begging for more credit on an account even though they can’t pay for what they already have.
Ashton was a credit creep who would call all of his credit cards each month to demand a higher credit line even though he never paid them on time.
“Barkeep, I want to open another tab!”
“Go fuck yourself credit creep. You still owe $900 from last month and until you pay it off you will have to pay cash.”
“Barkeep, I want to open another tab!”
“Go fuck yourself credit creep. You still owe $900 from last month and until you pay it off you will have to pay cash.”
Credit Creep by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008