Definitions by Brett Burkhardt
Jewelry Junky
Someone who spends all their money on ugly, shitty jewelry and insists on wearing as much of it as possible.
April hated her jewelry junky roommate. You could hear the banging and clicking of her ugly necklaces, bracelets, anklets, and rings every time she moved around the house.
Annie was a pathetic jewelry junky. She’d parade around the office in 10 cheap gold chains and bracelets up to her elbows.
Annie was a pathetic jewelry junky. She’d parade around the office in 10 cheap gold chains and bracelets up to her elbows.
Jewelry Junky by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008
Martyr Moment
A moment of self denial, privation, or sacrifice that a person uses for sympathy and pity for years on end or to guilt people into doing what they want.
Ed knew that driving his girlfriend to the airport at 4am was just the martyr moment he needed to get more oral.
“Lilly, you can just jump down off that cross now. Staying three minutes after work is not a martyr moment worthy of asking for Friday night off.”
“Lilly, you can just jump down off that cross now. Staying three minutes after work is not a martyr moment worthy of asking for Friday night off.”
Martyr Moment by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008
Hold Hostage
When you’re waiting on hold for someone and know that the second you answer another call or check another line they’ll answer and hang up when you don’t answer right away.
I’ve been a hold hostage for 8 minutes now. I know that if that whore in accounts receivable picks up when I try and answer this other line she’ll disconnect.
Hold Hostage by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008
Transfer Troll
An asshole who transfers someone to you or another department even though they can handle the problem themselves.
Margo in accounting was a huge transfer troll. She’d send your ass to shipping just so she wouldn’t have to answer any questions about shipping costs that she was entering into the system.
Transfer Troll by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008
Sweet 16 Succubus
A girl who acts like an out of control monster while planning her sweet 16 and should get an ass whooping instead of a party. She’ll also make outrageous demands and try to waste as much money on this event as possible.
“DADDDYYYYY!!!!! I wanted a BLACK Escalade, not a white one! You’re ruining my life!” Screamed the Sweet 16 Succubus
The Sweet 16 Succubus who’s parents had rented the yacht was rolling around screaming and crying on the floor like a five year old because the roses aren’t the right shade of pink. What a bitch.
The Sweet 16 Succubus who’s parents had rented the yacht was rolling around screaming and crying on the floor like a five year old because the roses aren’t the right shade of pink. What a bitch.
Sweet 16 Succubus by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008
Memo Discrepancy
When someone makes statements about their accounts that are complete lies but, because you can’t say that in the notes or to the customer, you have to call it a memo discrepancy.
“This bitch says called the other day and that she’d gotten some rep to wave her fees but she never called in once. Can I say she’s a lying whore in the memos?”
“No, just say it’s a memo discrepancy and then specify what didn’t match up. Otherwise you’ll get your ass in trouble.”
“No, just say it’s a memo discrepancy and then specify what didn’t match up. Otherwise you’ll get your ass in trouble.”
Memo Discrepancy by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008
Purse Pooch
Kara has a purse pooch that she dresses up in tiny feather boas and tiaras.
“If that purse pooch yips one more damn time I swear to Jesus I’m going to use it to beat her owner to death.”
“If that purse pooch yips one more damn time I swear to Jesus I’m going to use it to beat her owner to death.”
Purse Pooch by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008