24 definitions by Boxcar Bob

1
Association of Noteworthy Standards Ignorance - so called because developers of technology don't understand the true meaning (American National Standards Institute) and refuse to implement their rules. This causes nightmares for other developers, especially with different database vendors and programming language implementations.
The programmer spent many unproductive weeks and experienced various nightmares converting the large e-commerce application to use Oracle instead of SQL Server after his firm decided to switch vendors. Since neither implementation of SQL adheres to the ANSI standards, problems can be expected to keep coming in the future.
by Boxcar Bob February 28, 2007
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2
A medicine, often advertised on TV commercials as revolutionary, that is known to cause more problems than it cures.
TV Commercial for Allerelieva (antimedicine):

It's pollen season, so when you're suffering with allergies, you need the new Allerelieva!
(Beautiful music plays, happy people shown dancing)
This revolutionary new formula will rejuvenate you and get you through those warm spring days allergy free!
(Spectacular nature scenes shown)
But Allerelieva is not for everyone! Side effects may include sore throat, runny nose, fever, coughing, shortness of breath, seizures, and death.
(Relaxing music continues to play, people shown enjoying gorgeous mountains)
If you suffer with allergies, consult your physician now to see if Allerelieva is right for you.
by Boxcar Bob March 24, 2007
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3
A noisy car that sounds exactly like a loud motorcycle.
VROOM VROOM VROOM VROOM VROOM VROOM VROOM! Arggh! It's another noisy motorcycle, I mean car, I mean cartorcycle. Obviously the douchebag driver wants some attention as he think he's really cool.
by Boxcar Bob July 28, 2019
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4
Covetous Broadcasting System. So called because they require large fees from cable and satellite companies to air their channels. If these companies refuse to pay their ridiculous fees, CBS will black their channel out until they pay the greedy snobs their insane prices. They have done this before to Dish and now to DirecTV.

Also they will move their most popular programs to CBS All Access, which costs extra money to watch programs online even if you do have their regular channel.
CBS, the Covetous Broadcasting System has lost many viewers due to their blackouts and extra fees, but they have not learned their lesson.
by Boxcar Bob July 24, 2019
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5
Time spent smoking a cigarette. So called because cigarettes cause cancer.
The employee stood for ten minutes outside in the rain, wind, and hail, missing an important phone call. Then he returned from his cancer session, in which he satisfied his nicotine craving.
by Boxcar Bob January 27, 2008
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6
A device which insecure people waste money on because they are afraid their sacred, shiny cars will be stolen. Since about 99.9% of car alarms are false alarms, however, the owners eventually forget why they got the alarm in the first place, and get used to their cars crying wolf after a few occurrences.

Occasionally this will encourage angry neighbors to do whatever they can to put themselves and these useless devices out of their misery. This may include vandalizing the offending cars until they can disarm the screeching, honking, blaring whiners. Therefore, car alarms actually lead to more damage than good, and are one of the most foolish inventions in the history of mankind.
For the fiftieth time in two weeks, the car alarm went off triggered by a bird who perched itself on the trunk, which caused a neighbor to get a baton and whack the offending automobile until he was able to get to the alarm and break it in two. Five minutes later, as the commercial break arrived during the action thriller movie, the car owner came out. Suddenly he realized that the alarm he had originally came to stop was no longer blaring away. He then saw the damage to his precious luxury and fainted.
by Boxcar Bob February 24, 2008
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7
The process of starting the regular school year in August. School used to start in September (after Labor Day) until some fanatical teachers decided that maybe it'd be a good idea to start school before Labor Day. Many inconsiderate, unloving parents agreed with these wicked teachers and it wasn't long before the crimes started being committed all over the United States. Now some schools begin as early as the first week of August.
Kid #1: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Kid #2: What's the problem?
Kid #1: School starts tomorrow, August 9, and it's back to homework, tests, and torture! And it's 100 degrees outside and they have no A.C.
Kid #2: I don't know which is worse - Saturday school, summer school, or August school!
Kid #1: August school (good name) is the worst!
Kid #2: My school still starts in September. Poor you!
by Boxcar Bob August 23, 2008
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