Benny Twadge's definitions
A filthy article that has never been washed but which Pork Scotch uses to dry dishes. Normal people don't go near it apart from when they use it to kill spiders or to wipe up gunk from the kitchen floor.
Flondibulus: Bog roll's finished, is there any more?
Mickus: No, use a Pork Scotch tea towel. It couldn't get any filthier so the fat twat will never know.
Mickus: No, use a Pork Scotch tea towel. It couldn't get any filthier so the fat twat will never know.
by Benny Twadge May 19, 2009
Get the Pork Scotch Tea Towelmug. A 7-foot tall cretin with giant, flapping tabs. A mentally retarded twat that can eat 3 fried pigs for breakfast and is therefore detested by its grandfather's wife, who takes the piss out of its ridiculous crash-helmet hairstyle.
Why is there nothing in the fridge, Trace?
We've had a visit from Bullivant. It was hungry after its 3-pig breakfast.
We've had a visit from Bullivant. It was hungry after its 3-pig breakfast.
by Benny Twadge May 3, 2009
Get the Bullivantmug. A huge bunch of keys carried by little fat security guards because it makes them feel important. The only keys actually used are the ones to his house, his mum's house and his silly white van. The 58 others are ones he's found.
Look at that guy's keyring! He must own lots of houses and cars.
Wrong! What we have here is a cretinous security guard. They're only Pork Scotch Keys. He found most of them. Hasn't a bloody clue what they're for.
What a nobhead.
Wrong! What we have here is a cretinous security guard. They're only Pork Scotch Keys. He found most of them. Hasn't a bloody clue what they're for.
What a nobhead.
by benny twadge May 24, 2009
Get the Pork Scotch Keysmug. What's the name of that Jamaican wrestler with the mop on his head?
That's Kofi Kingston and he's no Jamaican. He's from Ghana, which is only about 5,000 miles from Jamaica.
That's Kofi Kingston and he's no Jamaican. He's from Ghana, which is only about 5,000 miles from Jamaica.
by Benny Twadge May 4, 2009
Get the Kofi Kingstonmug. Name given to someone with a head which is exactly the same shape as a koala's head. Usually only fat bald security guards can achieve this interspecific resemblance. The effect can be heightened if the koala-headed person has his hair cut in the Pork Scotch style.
Why has someone brought a koala to the braaivleis?
They haven't. What you're looking at is the Porky Scotcher. The ugly bastard has a koala head.
They haven't. What you're looking at is the Porky Scotcher. The ugly bastard has a koala head.
by Benny Twadge August 2, 2009
Get the koala headmug. The legendary drivers of Maltby lorries who display Pork Scotch's cone in the back in order to taunt important security guards and provide amusement to everyone else. Otherwise known as comic geniuses.
Flobule: Look Dad, the cone's still there! Why don't they take it out?
Dad: Because they're heroes, son. Maltby heroes.
Dad: Because they're heroes, son. Maltby heroes.
by Benny Twadge May 18, 2009
Get the Maltby Heroesmug. Fried chicken and rice and pea. These food items are never paid for, always stolen, because as everyone knows "chimp no need pay mon".
Chimp in takeaway: me wan' fried chicken and rice and pea mon.
Assistant: One portion of Chimp Food? That will be £4.50 please.
Chimp (before running away): chimp no need pay mon.
Assistant: One portion of Chimp Food? That will be £4.50 please.
Chimp (before running away): chimp no need pay mon.
by Benny Twadge May 18, 2009
Get the Chimp Foodmug.