GUIDOS and GOOMBAS are both synonymous terms used to describe a certain, very ethnic Italian-American, which usually resides in small New Jersey and New York neighborhoods known as Little Italies. When you take all of the children and grandchildren of Italian immigrants from all the different regions of the boot and throw them together, you have your Little Italy neighborhoods in America, and the GUIDO/GOOMBA subculture emerges. Things get translated and changed and carry on onto the next generation, but the Italian root is still there. The residen ts are special types of Italian-Americans who usually fit a lot of the Hollywood stereotypes, because they are pretty entertaining characters. And this is an east coast subculture that existed long before the movies or TV decided to portray it. It's a special distinction made to certain guys who like Italian things over “meddigan” (white bread waspy) things.

I am proud to say I am one of these characters. We do things to the extreme when it comes to showing off pride for this particular east coast subculture! There’s a special look that separates the GUIDO from a regular American of Italian descent, and from some fool who doesn't have a clue about his heritage. We have certain speech patterns, ways of dress, attitudes and ideas, but we all truly love family, friends, and things that derive from Italy. See, we love to play up all the stereotypes (because most are true). And that love revolves around incorporating something Italian into each day. Whether it's clothes, food, or cars—if it has roots from the boot, it's always better. As long as you have an Italian name and several nicknames, use hand gestures, speak with the GOOMBA slang dialect in that Jersey or Brooklyn accent, and have that unmistakable strut when you walk, you got it a ll as far as I’m concerned.

Look, we don't wanna walk on the moon, we wanna walk to the corner pizza parlor. We don't try to discover a cure for Cancer, we’d rather go down to St. Francis Church and pray for it. We like drinking and just hanging out. The little things in life. I’m a simple guy, and I’ll walk you through my daily routines…

First, I wake up and get ready using my GUIDO hair care and hygiene products (spiking glue, Aqua Net hairspray, Axe body spray). On work days, the outfit is black pants with a big-buckled belt and usually a black shirt, shiny shoes and leather jacket. For breakfast, I usually eat some peppers and eggs and then I stop at the bakery for some espresso. In my sweet Caddie, I pump up my KTU, or pop in a CD of Angelo Venuto, or some freestyle beats.

Once I’m at work, I check the internet news for what's happening on the other side (Italy). When having any conversation with my co-workers, we chat about sports, music, movies or whatever else but we always focus on the Italian-American athletes or singers or actors. Of course, only my fellow paesan co-workers have an equal amount of interest in such things. At lunch time, I go to the Italian deli and pick up a gabagol and mozzarell' sengwich with a cold Manhattan Special. Mmm!

Now getting back to my GUIDO lair is the best part of the day. The first thing I do is to grab an ice cold Peroni out of the fridge and light up a DiNobili cigar. At dinner time, it's homemade macaroni with meatballs and a nice glass of vino. Then I hit the hay with my gal and fall off to sleep until the next day…

When the weekend rolls around, it's out to Club Rise in Lodi to dance and kick back a dozen, and in the summer, it’s always trips down the Jersey shore or to an Italian feast. The Friday and Saturday night attire is usually a designer t-shirt (Armani Exchange, Diesel, Ed Hardy) with jeans, and always my bling (bracelet, nice wristwatch, two pinkie rings, and of course, two necklaces). The Italian horn and religious emblems (Christ on the cross, Holy Mary) are worn on these chains to show off my family heritage and religion. Plus they look cool.

On Sunday afternoons, I get up and throw on a dark colored jogging suit, the prototypical casual outfit. For those that may not be familiar, this attire starts out with a white or black guinea tee and boxer shorts and then the matching jogging suit goes on. They come in cotton or velvet, and all sport the insignia of the company that makes them—Fila is best, obviously, because it is an Italian brand. Puma, Adidas, Nike and Reebok are a few other good ones.

The bottom line is you will know a GUIDO when you see one, at work or at play. We love to party and enjoy life. Even if we aren’t rockstars, we think we are!
I'M A GUIDO (AKA: GOOMBA)
by Johnny DeCarlo February 21, 2009
A sad pathetic excuse for a male; not necessarily of Italian descent, but most likely; usually native to the New York/New Jersey Tri-State area.

WARDROBE: tight zipper shirts, tracksuits, designer jeans, fuzzy kangol hats, tiny hoop earrings, fake gold chains, and related Euro-trash garb and tacky cheese-wear.

NATURAL HABITAT: Known to frequent Tri-State area malls looking for club gear to waste their week's pay on (most likely spotted shopping at "Bang Bang" in Staten Island). During the day when not at their food delivery, telemarketting, or construction job, can be located at their local gym tanning or lifting weights. Can be found nightly at mainstream danceclubs they read about online (SF, Webster Hall, Etc.). Most notable for cruising the Jersey shore in an old car (Honda, Mustang, etc.) which has been tinted, painted and sports $1,000-$3,000 rims in a feeble attempt to look like new. Guido cars usually have a boomin' system through which cheesy music like freestyle, commercial club/trance and hip-hop (anything KTU plays) is loudly blasted.

GENETIC LINKS: Directly related to modern day urban-guidos, A.K.A. "wiggers," A.K.A. "wegros;" urban-guidos are white males who once exhibited the traits referenced above, but have now instead opted to keep it unreal, with wardrobes consisting of clothes from labels like FUBU and Rocawear which they bought on sale at Macy's. These individuals still listen to the same music and drive the same type of car as their predecessor; it is usually just their choice of attire and use of slang and poor speech skills that differentiate them from the classic guido. Most guidos are distrusting of non-whites despite the fact some of their attire and music can be traced to non-white origins.

PASSTIMES/RECREATIONAL ACTIVITIES: Guidos enjoy beating up a non-white or homosexual while assisted by a group of 5-10 guido friends backing them up; engaging in date rape; and displaying their lack of rhythm by dancing poorly in the middle of a club's dance floor while non-guidos look on in disbelief.
If you know a Mike, Joe, Rob or Tony, he's probably a guido.
by solushus March 29, 2004
an Italian American man usually residing in New York or New Jersey. He wears shirts that are too tight and unbuttoned 5 buttons too low to show off the chest that he spent hours and hours at the gym obtaining, he spends more time on his hair than his girlfriend, and continues to "hit the clubs" long into his mid to late 30's. Often attracted to the female version of himself, the guidette.
Could that guy at the bar be any greasier?! He is such a guido
by Liz August 20, 2003
The Guido is an entirely American phenomena, with its epicenter in the New York/ New Jersey metropolitan area. Although most of its examples are of Italian-American descent, manytimes other non-descript Caucasians will follow suit in an attempt to achieve an identity- in fact any identity. The Guido is highly recognizable by his attention to muscular development, status symbols, and regional dialect. Guidos are fortunate in that they usually tend to be loyal to their heritage and cultures. However, their interpretation of the Italian culture is unique to Americans. They fall sorrily short when attempting to emulate the sophistication of European-born men. In fact, their shortcomings include a tendency toward alcoholism, legal problems (usually related to assault, reckless driving, noise violations), and an inability to compete in legimate business. Fortunately for them, they usually live an exciting, care-free existance. They are easily satiated by tacky mall attire, drunken nights with similar-minded women, and nightclubbing in the lesser desired beach towns such as Seaside Heights, New Jersey. In the end, although they maintain a unique sense of identity and pride, their superficial lives often leave them empty. The tolls of excessive grooming products, STDs, and alcohol abuse age these specimens quite poorly. The time spent in fitness clubs is usually far offset by their lifestyle choices.
"Although he spends all his time in the gym and dancing in the clubs, that Guido will soon be a burned out alcoholic working a thankless job, living alone in his one-bedroom apartment in North Jersey"
by Dr B- psychiatrist December 19, 2005
Guidos today give the whole Italian culture a bad name. Gelled up blow outs, shirts extra small - bout the size my 8 year old niece would wear. Stupid sunglasses worn day and night. Usually all second generation Italians, and either don't speak of word of the language, or have learned just enough to enforce their guido image. Dark hair, waxed eyebrows, fake tans, lots of tacky jewlery. The modern day guido has usually never worked a day in their life (considered among guidos as an on going accomplishment) which leaves themselves babied by mama and papa. Thats right, no matter whos birthday it was for the BMW is still DADDY's bitch! Which brings up another point, Guidos drive BMW's Italians drive Cadillacs assholes. And even realer italians drive fiats and alfo romeos.
The guido doesnt care what his appearance really is, with a gut, skinny arms, a tight track suit and sandals he will still think he is the shit.
Every guido ive seen wears some form of womens facial make-up. Often when the guido does not have a desirable pigment to their eyes they will buy colored contacts.
The guido takes pictures of himself in poses that he wants to seem candid, often these pictures are numerous and the guido selects the 1 of 100 pics to put on his myspace page, which is littered with images of italian flags and the colors red white and green.
The common guido cannot tell you how old the Pope is, or who the leader of italy is. In fact, they probably dont even realize that when they call their father, they are saying the title "POPE" in Italian - (Pope = "papa" in italian, Dad/father = "papa" only pronounced with a sharp accent on the second P)
When guidos claim they beat someone up it is almost always a load of crap. Guidos are pussies. If they have beat someone up then they rallied up their 10-15 other guido friends and all jumped the kid. When guidos are alone they are pussies. I have beaten up 3 so far and will continue as i see fit. The 3 guidos ive beaten up, i have also humiliated them while they were crawling on the ground, messing up their hair, kicking them in the ass, and spitting on them.

Guidos are given there italian names at birth, often during childhood the guido resents this name because he does not fit in, often wanting to be referred to as pete instead of pasquale, or Fred instead of Alfredo, or Frank instead of Francesco. As the guido movement became more popular these same kids put use to their names, making themselves more italian.

My names Raffaele, ive been called Ralphie since forever. I never started correcting people and informing my birth name when i turned 16 you homos.

Real italians look down on the whole guido thing. Real Italians work hard and care about their families. Guidos dont work and hit up their parents for cash. This guido look, its all wigger shit.

Im 100% Italian but im not walking around like an asshole, Im Napolitan and Calabrese if you guidos know what that is, but way before that i'm an american, thats the flag i fly in front of my home, thats the country i live in.

Go take your crap to italy and see how you fit in.
"yo yo yo Mario!!! Whas good we hittin up dem clubs tonight?"
"Nahh yo, my dad took away my Bimma yo, he sayin i put too much mileage on it last week."
"Damn, i feel for you. You wanna hit up the italian club on 25th?"
"Nahh we got kicked out last time by dat guido "
"oh yah, aiight then, ill catch you on the flip side playboy"
"Ciao playa"
an italian who is culturally challenged and makes us real italians look bad.
Hey did you guys hear, Kim Cignarella is going out with some guido from Fairfield, what doosh bags.
by traytraytray October 19, 2005
An Italian-American that pretends to be Italian by: Talking with a thick New York accent; driving their cars way too fast with techno music blasting; dressing in tight clothes/valour, with their hair slicked back, gold chains, bracelets and rings and chest hair sticking out; usually being of ignorant towards gays and minorities and disrespectfull of woman; lives in Staten Island or Howard Beach, Queens; gives Italians a bad name although it's okay for Italians to be guidos as long as they dont share the aassholee attitude that most guidos do.
"Nice valour suit, you look like a guido"
by DiZzY DeViL dUcKy January 09, 2004
An adolescent or young-adult American male of Italian ancestry or descent; esp. one of lower-middle-class socioeconomic background or status and thought of as being dim-witted, excessively aggressive, and prejudiced against perceived outsiders, particularly homosexuals and members of other races.
The Bensonhurst section of Brooklyn is widely regarded by the rest of New York City as a "Guido" stronghold.
by Anthony Brancato April 19, 2003

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