First and foremost,...ITALIANS AND ONLY ITALIANS CAN BE A GUIDO! The REAL Guido is a rare thing these days. The real Guidos are in their 30's and 40's now. They were children of the 70's and 80's when the Guido movement was at its prime. Not like these wanna be jerk offs you see now. With that in mind,...theres a few things I need to get off my hairy chest:

NO and I repeat NO Guido would EVER EVER wear the $hit these kids wear today.

Ultra baggy jogging suits by Sean Jean, Roccawear and FUBU? (ESPECIALLY FUBU which Stands for "FOR US BY US" a black company, aimed at marketing to the black community,..HELLO,...They dont WANT us buying it and wearing it, and some ignorant wannabes keep buying them!) Were Italians,..not "wiggers" smarten up! In the 80's we wore Sergio T and Fila Jogging suits,..Now we wear $300 Genellis and Alan Stuarts.

And The hats,..whats with the hats? Baseball hats tilted to the side? Another Wigger thing! Gimmie a Fu&king break! Guidos spend too much time on their hair to cover it with a gay "Von Dutch" hat. If your gonna wear a hat,..wear it normally,..have some class.

Yes, we still swear gold chains, bracelets, pinky rings and watches. We dont wear our chains over our shirts,..we havent done that since the 80's! Yes its YELLOW gold, not white and we dont wear TRENDY platenium. Thats a fad,..Yellow gold is classy and timeless. Wearing platenium chains with giant crosses and other charms is stupid,..Dont do it

In a few years,..when you look back at pics of yourselves,...with your crooked hat,..wigger clothes and jumbo chains you'll embarassed by that $hit. And you should be! Wannabe!
The Gotti Kids?,...Wiggers,...NOT Guidos.
by A REAL Cugine! April 20, 2005
Guido's are hairy, ugly, metro-sexual men almost to the point where you start to question if he's straight or not, they usually like to spend a lotta time on their hair, tacky gold jewlery, fake tans (see Gotti Brothers)and they work out a whole lot, talk with a lame accent and try to act black at times.
They're usually pretty perverted as well, they claim to be hung like horses but let's not kid ourselves, they're not black men.
by high rolla April 16, 2005
To sum it up, one could say it's the crossbreed between a "douchebag" and a "metrosexual".
Lisa - "Hey do you see that eurotrash pretty boy with the tight abercrombie shirt, spiked hair, and waxed eyebrows?"

Tina - "Yeah I thought he was gay, but then I realized he and his buddies had shitty macho boy attitudes. What a bunch of total douchebags."

Lisa - "No just a guido. The big muscles are supposed to make up for their small penis. I bet the one in the wifebeater isn't even Italian"
by badgonegood March 07, 2008
The complete misrepresentation of anything remotely italian because italians, who are actually from europe, have class and do not concentrate their energies on date rape, frollicking, steroids, expensive material items that no one else would buy, cheap girls (who share the same, uncanny resemblance), work construction (which anyone can do), the stupid blowout hear that makes them ALL look related (which may be taken into account due to their lack of intellect), frequenting clubs in NJ, NY, etc on a nightly basis, investing in working out and continuing to dress in those work-out clothes daily, wearing make-up that make them look like dead crack whores, fake tans that make them orange (if one dyes their hair green they will be less respectable umpa lumpas) and egotistical maniacs to the point where ALL of them should be sterilized to prevent further cultural contamination.
Who's the douche who looks like they stood in front of an industrial fan for too long?
That's an unecessary element of society, a guido.

Holy crap! How do I get rid of that guido?
An irish curb stomp usually clears those parasites out of the area.
by (/Leprechaun/) January 25, 2008
1. an insult to anybody who is actually Italian.

2. over tanned, hair crazed, big chested morons who drive shitty cars with rims that cost more than the car does.

3. Dress like complete jerk offs in a vain attempt to look cool and still go to clubs long after they should.
Guido: Hey, look at me, I'm Italian!!

Real Italian: Shut the hell up, you wannabe. (Proceeds to beat the piss out of loud mouth Guido wih baseball bat).
by Cowboyssuck August 31, 2010
gotti wannabes, that have hair as tall as their dick wear clothes tighter than there bitches' and adapt the customs of an umpa lumpa in order to succeed in having orange skin.
I went to bring my girlfriend to the tanning salon, and that guido Giovanni came out orange as fuck!
by april may june September 05, 2006
1) a superficial American male, usually from the Tri-State area, pretending to be of Italian descent through the use of some limited slang in whatever dialect was spoken by his supposed ancestors from il Belpaese. Known for his bad music taste, the guido loves greasy hair, wifebeaters, bling bling, tracksuits, and intercourse with guidettes.

2) the guido style is also spotted in the Italian peninsula, particularly amongst wannabe gangsters of the camorra. Their trademarks in Italy are: wifebeaters, tracksuits, cars with strobo lights, a bad command of Italian, being overweight, fur anoraks and - above all - an unhidden love of Gigi D'Alessio's music.

3) a derogatory term for an Italian. For someone who actually is from Italy, being associated with American guidos is one of the worst possible offences.
'That guy must've spent all his money on pimping that piece of trash!'
'That should come to you as no surprise: he's a guido!'

'Are you sure this is Naples? There are so many guidos around it feels like Jersey!'

'Hey dude, in the US we call Italians "guidos".'
'In Italy we call Americans who call us guidos "rednecks".'
by vafangù December 27, 2009

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