To Touch Cloth is to have one's poo-poo touch your underpants and leave a stain. It it's slightly more high brow than just to say "UGH I shat my boxers blud."
Ryan: Oh No I can feel my poo touching my lovely new y-front for the charity bin.
When you soil your underpants due to an unexpected shart.
Please note that this is the extreme case of a shart in which the fecal matter explodes beyond the crevice of your butt crack and makes contact with your undergarments.
Harold pushed his fart out so hard that the mud touched the cloth. His wife regrets making the bean burritos.
Cigarette: Northern slang for a cigarette, used oft by mashed up mancunian ravers becasue of the resemblance of a hot(electric)stove to the end of a lit cigarette. Originated circa 1991 in the early halcyon days of the rave culture; we speculate during a drug fuelled hallucination by said manc.
'fuck me noel, i am bolloxed, is that a ciggy in your mouth, or the stove from me 'nans kitchen'/
General use: 'Give us a stove you cunt'