Go to an oriental food store. Don't worry that that we look like guyjiin when we walk in. It can't be helped, so don't worry about it. Buy a few packages of Mi Bo.
Mi is a southeast Asian word, equivalent to the Chinese word mein, meaning "noodle". Bo is a southeast Asian word for moo, or cow, as if in English we said "moo" instead of borrowing the word "cow" from some other language to replace our word moo. Southeast Asians go ahead and say their word for cow when they talk about what they eat, instead of borrowing the word "beef" from yet another language to replace our word cow. How sensible of them.
So you go into the oriental food store and buys some packages of cow-flavored noodles. The packages look just like ramen noodle packages, so make sure you don't buy any Americanized brands like Smack or Top. Mama and Kung Fu are good brands.
If you don't recognize any brands, check by feel, what the flavor packet is like. Good flavor packets in truly oriental "ramen" packages will feel thicker and softer because they contain two or three different kinds of seasonings: A regular flavor packet, a flavored oil packet and possibly, a spice packet.
Dump the flavoring packets into half as much water as you're used to using for ramen while it's heating so you have a nice broth that will cook flavor into the noodles when you add them. Do some taste-testing while gradually adding the spice, so you don't find the final result toxic to your taste buds. Don't add the noodles until the water boils. Keep it boiling until the noodles are done.
If you want to be authentic, don't break the noodles. Some parts of Asia use chopsticks and some don't, so that's optional.
If you prefer convenience, break the noodles small enough to fit in your soup spoon.
Lift the noodles out of the broth and place them into a bowl and garnish it generously with bean sprouts, snow peas, and/or chopped onion to suit your taste. Then pour the boiling broth over it all.
When you're ready for another adventure, go back and buy some other flavor.
Still not real lo mein, but at least it's not an Americanization of a Japanese rip-off of a Chinese dish.
Varieties of Ramen, the food of Jesus
1) Cup O' Ramen.
2) Brick O' Ramen.
College students base their diets around beef, shrimp, chicken, and oriental flavored noodles.
There are better, tastier foods to purchase, such as hot pockets and bagel bites. But ramen saves money so you can buy more liquor, so who really gives a fuck.
2.) Inexpensive noodle soup eaten by the Wapanese only because it comes from Japan. They don't actually like ramen at all. They just like the fact that they don't have to import the shit. Not to be confused with normal people who eat ramen because they actually like the taste and/or are too poor to afford anything else.
2.) "Kawaii desu!! Pork ramen!! Oh thank Kami-sama, since I don't have to import this from Japan, I can order another box of Cucumber and Teriyaki-flavor pocky! Uh-oh, Sailor Moon is about to start! Ikuhayo~~!! ^_^ LoLooLllLOlOloLo!o11!11!!"