Top Definition
1) noun: A swollen varicose vein in or around the anus, rectum or sigmoid colon;
2) adjective: A person who's both useless, and a major pain in the ass, in the most obnoxious of ways. They fall beneath the level of "asshole," because an asshole has some function, at least. A hemorrhoid just gets in the way of your life and causes pain for no reason.
1) I can't sit at all due to this golf-ball of a hemorrhoid in my ass.
2) Jeff is just a total hemorrhoid, that useless shitsack of a dickweed.
by Phuqit November 22, 2011
Bleeding from the asshole.
My hemorrhoids are stinging and have stained my jocks.
by Ausstralian October 27, 2007
An irate little man that pops out of your butthole and screams at you to stop grunting and wiping your ass so hard. He also punishes you for eating Mcdonalds everyday and drinking a case of beer every night.
But since most people get them it's probably just from having an enormous network of pulsating veins at the end of your poopshoot.
Aiiiiieee !!! The little man is back. He screamed at me for sneezing while I was taking a dump.
by Poster Nutbag June 06, 2003
Slang for someone who is tailgating you in a very annoying fashion.
Man! I wish that hemorrhoid would get off my ass and go around me!
by leftykittykat March 26, 2012
80% of the US population is likely to experience hemorrhoids at some point in their lives. It's pretty damn painful.
by Darius Janeway April 18, 2003
1 Medical

Hemorrhoids are swollen veins in the anal canal. This common problem can be painful, but it's usually not serious.

Veins can swell inside the anal canal to form internal hemorrhoids. Or they can swell near the opening of the anus to form external hemorrhoids. You can have both types at the same time. The symptoms and treatment depend on which type you have.

Many people have hemorrhoids camera.gif at some time.

Too much pressure on the veins in the pelvic and rectal area causes hemorrhoids.

Normally, tissue inside the anus fills with blood to help control bowel movements. If you strain or sit on the toilet a long time to move stool, the increased pressure causes the veins in this tissue to swell and stretch. This can cause hemorrhoids.

2 Pain in the ass
Jeeeeeeeez you're such a pain in the ass.
Hemorrhoids be op.
by The Pleb General February 01, 2016
An itching of the bum or painful mass of diolated veins in swollen butthole tissue. Blood or mucus is most likely discharged
That fatty fatty boom batty over there has hemorrhoids and is bleeding out of his anus and he wants you to touch it!!
by alisha November 29, 2002
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