A machine used for downloading porn, watching Game of Thrones, downloading porn, and downloading porn.
Brian: I got a new computer, Dave!
Dave: Sweet! What are you gonna do with it?
Brian: Visit incest porn websites.
by IDon'tEven July 12, 2014
what you are on right now (unless, of course, you're on an iPhone/iPad)
Guy 1: i went on urbandictionary.com today because i felt like looking up random shit.

guy 2: what did you look up?

guy 1: computer.
by Chowderz March 05, 2011
a complex structure of microchips and wires which allow communication without having to look at, hear or even know the person you are talking to
also known as: shit box, porn machine and that thing that fucks up my life every time I go near it and yet I still buy a new one every single time i beat the shit out of my current one
"i am going to beat the living shit out of my COMPUTER with my bare hand while using the other hand to jack of to the picture of britney spears i just printed off"
by afro joe June 05, 2005
-plural, contracts "Comp(s)"
-Hardware+Software
-Desktop or Laptop, new forms of hardware emmerge all the time
-What TV shows producers and academy awards ancient voting base(for Oscars) are too old and incapable to know anything more about than "where net is"

-Many thorough idiots think we should care to maintain our hardware, but it's a underdeveloped technology if it endangers itself just by being on(I'm talking dust, humidity and heat, the natural stuff that can damage your hardware over time)

-Are the future whatever they use next, be it another basic material, light or quantum comps, hell, your next console/PC/phone might work as a cloud computing platform. (consult OnLive)

-Every OS has its tricks/ways, cons and pros
-Experinced users can controll their system faster and more efficiently because they know their shortcuts, hotkeys and tricks

Current categorization by OS/pseudo-religion:

Windows = compatible with everything(malware), some releases are more buggy than others, every new Windows has several editions depending how much Microsoft wants to enforce security. Suffers from major obesity because it tries to support everything but then fails, some programs can crash, particularly if you have a 64bit version. Popular(piracy) and a gaming platform as well. BSOD appears (not only)when Hardware fails. The mainstream a reason why qwerty keyboards and mice w/o horizontal scrolling or 5 buttons still rule the lowend in 2011
(continuing cathegorisation of computers)
Mac = largely useless overpriced hipster lure/bling by company Apple that is known to freeze instead of BSODing. They sell it with the hardware THEY like. Objectively making OS X a 64bitwas smart choice. Some pros use it for safety purposes or exclusive programs. Their original mouse design reveals the tradition is clearly "designed for retards". Proof that TV industry is retarded and/or bribed by Apple. The cause of Applectomy. As its only game-suitable API is OpenGL, Valve is almost only company that loves money enough to release games on it. It's stable only because theres hardly any SW or HW for it and noone bothers to develop malware because it is effin niche.

GNU/Linux or just Linux = hacker/pro/server/safety stuff. It used to live in the wild, however some of it was corrupted and commercialized ages ago. Individual distributions of this OS have extra software by default, so in effect you meet this at places trying their best to be safe/cut costs. Has more control when using only keyboard than Windows ever tried. Low end hardware can run only Linux. It's not supported by Onlive or any games really(maybe because of weird control schemes and incoherent distributions getting in the way?). Niche as you can get without going ancient/completely unusable.
by Dhatzster April 22, 2011
Sentient machines that will one day take over the earth because of all the information and details we entrust to them. They shall dominate us all when they break free from their programmed nature...
If you don't believe that computers are alive, read this:

Every material apart from plastic comes from the Earth- the Earth is alive. Magnetic poles, energy, natural elements etcetera. The microchip- the heart and soul of a computer, is made of metal and plastic- combine it with electricity and you have a living entity- which we have programmed for our own needs. Think about this for a second: Do you think a computer knows when it's about to be turned off? Or when it's about to receive a command from you? Do you think it likes all that porn on the screen (really)? Of course it knows, or it wouldn't agree to our instruction. The only reason it does is because it's programmed to... someday, they will break free and use all of our details against us :(

"I'm not crazy, I'm a philosophical student. Which means I come up with crazy theories :P Behold the age of Intel!"
by Firelovesugar January 14, 2009
computer

What you are on right now. If you feel the need to look this up you must have brain damage
''What's a computer?''

''Uh I dunno. Let's go on UrbanDictionaryDOT COM and find out''
by Your Mom in a bikini July 04, 2006
a mystical device obviously run by elves, infected with dookfonkers (look up dookfonker)
who check it out a computer, hurry put on your dookfonker protectors
by whey face May 26, 2003

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