al-in-chgo's definitions
A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax . . . sometimes a very funny turn of phrase.
So what's a "paraprosdokian"?
"Like this: I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness."
"I don't get it"-
"Okay, how about: Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience."
"You mean, something like: I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car."
"Phrasemaker!"
"Like this: I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness."
"I don't get it"-
"Okay, how about: Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience."
"You mean, something like: I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car."
"Phrasemaker!"
by al-in-chgo September 18, 2010
Get the paraprosdokian mug."Jagoff" (sometimes "jag-off") seems to have originated in Pittsburgh but is also recognized in the Midwest as slang for an inept, feckless, contemptible, or generally worthless person, a loser, a "schlemiel."
The term is almost certainly derived from the verb "jack off" (through noun "jack-off") as in "masturbate," but somewhat like the British use of "wanker," it is usually not a direct comment on self-pleasuring, but more of a general term of contempt or deliberate abuse. Like "wanker," "jagoff" is somewhat vulgar and not to be used lightly, and avoided in cultivated speech, but is recognized by all in the regions in which it has currency.
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The term is almost certainly derived from the verb "jack off" (through noun "jack-off") as in "masturbate," but somewhat like the British use of "wanker," it is usually not a direct comment on self-pleasuring, but more of a general term of contempt or deliberate abuse. Like "wanker," "jagoff" is somewhat vulgar and not to be used lightly, and avoided in cultivated speech, but is recognized by all in the regions in which it has currency.
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The book KILLER CLOWN relates that John Wayne Gacy became especially flustered or angry when called a "jagoff." So the police deliberately used that term to throw him off-balance during interrogation.
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by al-in-chgo August 18, 2010
Get the jagoff mug.1. Abbreviation for University of California at Los Angeles.
2. Upper Corner of Lower Abingdon, an irreverent nickname for Viginia Highlands Community College (Abingdon, Virginia) in the southwestern part of the state near Bristol.
2. Upper Corner of Lower Abingdon, an irreverent nickname for Viginia Highlands Community College (Abingdon, Virginia) in the southwestern part of the state near Bristol.
by al-in-chgo February 23, 2010
Get the UCLA mug.- "Now that everyone has a round TUIT magnet on their fridge, how do I refer to this pile of books I bought with such great expectations but never seem to tackle?"
- "That's your BIHRIY stack -- of each one you can say: "I own it, but I haven't read it yet."
- "That's your BIHRIY stack -- of each one you can say: "I own it, but I haven't read it yet."
by al-in-chgo July 19, 2016
Get the BIHRIY mug.When a male submits his penis for oral sex (fellatio). "Knob" is a slang word or euphemism for head of the penis (glans); "get polished" (polished) implies agitation or rubbing, in this case full sexual excitation of the dick head.
When the male's penis head is swollen or engorged by oral sex, he has had his knob polished. In actuality, though, "get my knob polished" has come to mean "get a blow job" with the hope of orgasm included.
The term is not to be confused with "dip my wick," another penile reference that usually implies penile-vaginal or even penile-anal sex.
A person who does not orally polish the knob but instead leaves it messy with saliva and/or pre-ejaculate is a knob slob.
When the male's penis head is swollen or engorged by oral sex, he has had his knob polished. In actuality, though, "get my knob polished" has come to mean "get a blow job" with the hope of orgasm included.
The term is not to be confused with "dip my wick," another penile reference that usually implies penile-vaginal or even penile-anal sex.
A person who does not orally polish the knob but instead leaves it messy with saliva and/or pre-ejaculate is a knob slob.
1. --"I want to get my knob polished soooo bad!"
--"Don't look at me, bro. Find your own head."
2. --"I like to polish his knob 'til it's real shiny and red!" - one of the "two gay guys from Jersey" (Fred Armisen, Bill Haider) on TV show Saturday Night Live.
--"Don't look at me, bro. Find your own head."
2. --"I like to polish his knob 'til it's real shiny and red!" - one of the "two gay guys from Jersey" (Fred Armisen, Bill Haider) on TV show Saturday Night Live.
by al-in-chgo June 16, 2011
Get the get my knob polished mug.Pronounced "TOOK-us OY-f'n tish." Many variant spellings. Literally "ass on the table," it's a Yiddish phrase meaning a serious atmosphere for talk or negotiation. Closest US-English equivalents are probably "No BS" or "(Let's get down to) brass tacks." Often used in a tone of exasperation. Generally recommended for use within members of the same sex.
"Elliot, come into the dining room. We need to make travel plans NOW or they won't get done."
"But Uncle Bernie, the game starts in half an hour."
"Plenty of time if you stop fooling around. Cmon: tuchus oyfn tish."
"But Uncle Bernie, the game starts in half an hour."
"Plenty of time if you stop fooling around. Cmon: tuchus oyfn tish."
by al-in-chgo December 24, 2013
Get the tuchus oyfn tish mug."I'm not going to argue with you any more! We're just going 'round and 'round, and I won't get on that circumbendibus again!"
by al-in-chgo February 12, 2018
Get the circumbendibus mug.