The phrase that people say to their boss when they know that they have fucked up and their boss has yelled at them at them. This is the acceptable response apart from "sorry" that should be used when apologising to a boss. The harshness of the reason can vary from being late to shredding a court case report. The result is always the same, the accused, embarrassed and flustered, the boss, pissed off, saying "it better not" and the rest of the workers staring at the accused.
Boss: Hey Gary, have you seen the Johnson Parking ticket case? It was on my desk.
Gary: Was it on the same corner that is the shred pile?
Boss: Yes, have you seen it?
Gary: I kind of shredded it...
Boss: YOU DID WHAT???
Gary: But it was on the shred pile
Boss: ALWAYS ASK ME WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO SHRED SOMETHING. NOW GO INTO THE SHREDDER AND PICK OUT ALL THE PAPER FROM THE FILE AND STICK IT BACK TOGETHER!!!
Gary: Sorry Mr Stevens. It won't happen again.
Boss: It better not.
A nap taken after someone has consumed any amount of caffeine (i.e. coffee) resulting not in sleep, but blissful rest, while still mildly conscious.
Evelyn: Hey Kaitlyn, how was your coffee nap?
Kaitlyn: It was fantastic I listened to the whole LOVE album, while seeming to float on a cloud.
Evelyn: Awesome! I just had a latte, about to have a coffee nap of my own!
The act of delivering bad or unpleasant news via email at the very last point in the day, so as to purposely avoid being there when the response is received. Usually deployed just after 5pm or before going away on holiday.
Person 1 - “I really don’t want to have to deal with this”
Person 2 -“Why don’t you just do a send and run?”
Person 1 “I can’t, they gave me a blackberry”
Creating a problem that affects millions of people, then praising oneself for fixing the small part of the problem that affects you and then masturbating.
Coined by Jon Stewart
'Did you hear Susan Collins saying how proud she was that Congress passed a bill to speed up air travel?'
'Yeah that bitch is just congratsturbating.'
That moment when you're sitting in your car after being pulled over by a cop. Knowing that every person driving by is looking at you.
Yesterday I was pulled over and had to endure the sit of shame as people slowly passed by looking at me.
The rhythmic gyrating of the lower fleshy extremities in a lascivious manner with the intent to elicit sexual arousal or laughter in ones intended audience
Hey Girl, lets Twerk on the dance floor.
An nullified attribution intended to convey the absurdity of a statement.
"Thank god it's Monday," said no one ever.
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