You know you live in the woodlands when....
- you can valet park at the mall
- your dad makes more money in one week than your government teacher does in an entire year
- it isnt exciting anymore to pass a lamborghini, ferrari, or bentley on the road any given day
- at school you park between an h2 and an escalade
- you see about 500 bmws a day
- every girl, starting at the age of 12, has a coach purse
- your best friend's pregnant
- you've never shared a bathroom in your life
- the Texan cheerleaders perform at your high school pep rally
- you can talk to someone in Illinois and they assume that you must be rich
- nick lachey sings at your prom
- you have to ask permission to paint your house
- your high school is rated the snobbiest in America according to David Letterman
- if you have nothing to do you buy some beer and drive around
- one haircut can change your reputation
- myspace takes the place of homework
- lunch tables are individual and round
- you pay someone to hang your christmas lights and mow your lawn
- the maids come every other wednesday
- your parents own multiple houses
- you go to jamaica, thailand, spain, belize, or the bahamas on a regular basis
- you suck if you dont get a beach house for prom
- you go skiing every year
- your school field trips include New York and Europe
- deaths and car accidents are usual
- your school has more people in it than some colleges
- you have to schedule an updo appt 6 months in advance if you want someone decent
- the sports teams travel in charter buses
- parties have top shelf liquor
- you go to a theme party every weekend
- they build your own skating rink in the winter
- there are only 3 cheap stores in the whole mall (and that's for the people who come to The Woodlands to shop but aren't actually from The Woodlands)
- when you need a plain white tank top and go to Bebe first
- you spend $95 on a christmas gift for your friend
- girls have 2 boyfriends
- nothing stays a secret
- about half the kids go to church, and out of that half only 10% actually follow religion faithfully
- your jeans cost the same price as ur video ipod
- mums cost $200
- if you dont have confidence or money, you are nothing
- you take your car to Aqua every week and just let someone else clean it
- there's a starbucks on every corner
- they put a tommy bahama's in..since those are mostly at vacation destinations (look it up)
- Fleming's is the new TGI Fridays
- you drop a quarter and just leave it cuz you dont feel like bending over for it
- you cant find your bmw at the mall, because there are 55 others just like it
- you see at least one new person in school every day
- you have a personal trainer
- you have the vbest new cell phone before it even comes out
- they serve Chic-Fil-A, Pizza Hut, Quiznos, and Smoothie King in ur school cafeteria
- you go buy Chanel glasses for yourself as a pity gift because you're having a bad day
- your dog is treated better than your sister
- you have a fridge in your room so that you dont have to go alllllll the way downstairs when you want a cold bottle of water
- you have more than one closet
- you're 17 and have a plastic surgeon
- a cheap mall trip only costs $500
- your driveway is gated
- you get fined if your fence isn't the right color or height
- just about every decent concert tour comes to the pavilion
- a decent date consists of dinner at the Cheesecake Factory and a walk through Market Street
- you hear parents talk about what a great "family community" this place is, and you hear your 13 year old sister talking about how wasted she and her friends got the night before.
- your orthodontist drives a porsche, at least when he isn't driver his other cars
- your friends are all gorgeous
- your diamonds are real
- you hook up with someone and by second period the next day, the whole school knows
- you get judged right away when people know where you are from
- you live on a Jack Nicklaus golf course
- your parents buy you multiple cars before you buy your own
- you can screw off in high school and college and still get a badass job cause your dad is a corporate executive with connections
- your football team could kick many colleges' football teams
- there are kids at your high school who can score perfectly on the ACT and SAT
- making millions of dollars from hard work and/or connections isn't even that attractive, it's the power that motivates
i admit its true.. i'd know, i'm from the woodlands
by jessica sYUP December 9, 2006
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The Woodlands is a census-designated place and master-planned community located in the extraterritorial jurisdiction of Houston within Montgomery County, Texas. As of the 2000 census, the CDP had a total population of 55,649.Located about 30 miles north of Downtown Houston, The Woodlands is famous, as its name suggests, for incorporating the piney woods surrounding it with urban and suburban development. It was named one of the best master-planned communities in the country, and is one of the fastest-growing communities in Texas. The Woodlands is home to the Woodlands Town Center Improvement Distrct, a local governmental agency created by the Texas Legislature, The Woodlands Waterway, the 4 AAA Diamond Woodlands Waterway Marriott Hotel and Convention Center, the Cynthia Woods Mitchell Pavilion, and The Woodlands Country Club, the only golf club in the nation to have six world-class golf courses. Almost all of the community is located in the city of Houston's extraterritorial jurisdiction (ETJ) with a small portion lies in the corporate limits of Shenandoah.The Woodlands was founded by George P. Mitchell in 1974, who changed ownership of The Woodlands in the 1990's to a joint partnership between Morgan Stanley and Crescent Real Estate Equities. In January of 2004, Crescent sold their interest in The Woodlands to the Rouse Company, a development company familiar with master-planned communities. In 2004, the Rouse Company was sold to General Growth Properties Inc., another shopping mall developer.The Woodlands is growing up as a formidable city, as many companies are moving to The Woodlands, such as Anadarko, Hewitt Associates, and Chicago Bridge & Iron. The Woodlands is located in the Conroe Independent School District, with The Woodlands High School being the primary feeder. Construction on The Woodlands College Park High School began in early 2004 and is scheduled to open in 2005. The Woodlands Town Center area includes shopping and eating facilities, plus a waterway reminiscent of San Antonio's Riverwalk. Under construction in the area are more upscale retail and restaurants, as well as several urban residential developments.
The Woodlands is better then you!
by Seth Riser September 11, 2005
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^^I don't know what they're talking about, but The Woodlands is anything but ghetto. Everyone here is a white Abercrombie & Fitch/Hollister clone who drives a BMW and carries a Dooney & Bourke bag. The girls all look the exact same. There is no origionality, individuality, or culture here at all. Get me out now.
Theres nothing to do in the Woodlands, so lets go roll in Oak Ridge.
by iRock June 26, 2006
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Painted by many as a wholesome, family friendly community. One of the most prominent in Houston, with great schools and ambiance. Anyone who lives here will tell you that it is quite the opposite. Drugs are EVERYWHERE as are elitists and if your kid isnt an athlete; send them elsewhere because the schools here wont teach them anything other than how to judge people. Worst academic facilities anywhere.

Plenty of golf courses, churches and a very elegant mall/river walk. Most of the homes are overpriced and over taxed for what they are (antiques from the 70s and 80s which require excessive maintenance). The newer homes are the same... only newer. Pleasant place to look in brochures at and presumably to visit, but living in The Woodlands is an entirely different story. You can cover a piece of shit in gold dust, but at the end of the day, its still a piece of shit.

The Woodlands is a clear cut case of Haves and Have-nots. If you aren't rich, you are a nobody. Without question the most pretentious, pious over-rated "community" Ive ever lived in.
the woodlands: purgatory meets skid row
by cantbecreative July 25, 2009
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aka: the hoodlands
aka: the weedlands

there are 3 types of people here in the woodlands.
1. the Preps/Gangsters- both wear hollister and abercombie. we are very pretty and rich and boys love girls. girls love girls and girls love boys. nothing uber spectacular happens because no one knows of anything better to do than cheer or get wasted. if you have sex on a tuesday everyone knows on wednesday.

2.the Skaters/ Scene kids- if your not a nerd/freak and your not preppy or gangster you are automatically placed in the scene/ skater category. i you ever wear black skinny jeans or put your bangs over your eyes then you are scene here. myspace is god and god is satan. bongs and pipes are a common household item and when raves go down its actually a rave not just beer and a strob light.

3. nerds- they will grow up and make money like no other. but there boss will be daddys big boy the jock. no doubt about it nerds are doomed.

the schools around here mostly work to these statistics
40% preps
50% skaters
10% freaks

the preppy ppl do not liked to be called preppy because its not good enough. they claim to be so down to earth when really we have never even seen what earth looks like.

if you dont smoke weed youve already moved on to bigger badder things.
no one respects anyone else and
when ppl say things like
"zomgz tdwp is hxc it pwns bmth"
and hear
"poser bmth is fbamf so stfu"
then you know youve entered the weedlands

in conclusion: if you are poor, clean, and wanting to excell in life, go back to whereever you came from.
Sally: Oh, John, I am hoping to have a swell time here in this town called The Woodlands.
John: suck it, go back to utah betsy. but let me fck you first.
Sally: (after living here for 3 days) i wont let you fck me until you hand over the weed john!
by faggan August 2, 2008
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Middle Class Burb that thinks a leased BMW 3 series, and a fat mortgage on a 300k tract home makes you rich.
The Woodlands is the land of the 80k a year millionaire.
by Hunkerdown April 5, 2011
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