Porch Beer

Here is the porch beer recipe. It can only be made in the summer.

1. Buy a bunch of Heineken. This is the raw ingredient necessary for the brew. No substitutions with quality beer allowed.
2. Put it in a cooler with ice and a bunch of other beer and a turkey/tomato/mayo/lettuce/Swiss wrap. Let part of the sandwich fall into the ice.
3. Leave the cooler on the back porch in the sun for a month. Do not drain the water or pick out the wrap.
4. Open the cooler, and clean everything up. Throw out all the other brands of beer and wash teh Heiny bottles under your backyard spigot to get the cap rust off and to clean off the botulism from what was the turkey wrap.
5. Line the beers up on the same bench you have the upended cooler drying out on. Ensure this location gets the sun/rain/wind, etc.
6. Leave beer in the sun for a month or more.
7. Put beer in fridge.
8. Drink and stand the fug back.

Note: Author is NOT responsible for what happens to you, or those around you, your loved ones or your marriage.

Author's stomach and intestines have been hardened by food poisoning in Turkey, by undercooked lamb and sheep testicles in South Africa, balut in the Philippines, swamp crawdads and by years of bad cooking. The novice porch beer maker with a Wonder bread stomach could be KILLED.

May God have mercy on your soul.

Last year's foolhardy porch beer experiments are still haunting my colon.

by NYA RW May 17, 2011

porch mama

A mother who yells, shouts, or screams out commands to her kids from her porch or deck.

She's a porch mama. She just sits on her ass barking out orders.

by dscott July 20, 2005

porch dick

when someone is sitting on their porch acting like a dick

That guy on the walking dead was a porch dick.

by yo dan March 9, 2015

Porch Pony

Incoherent complaining about irrelevant subject matter, which is placed in public domain and later regretted (or apologized for) by the author.

This conversation needs more porch pony.

by Pants Partly November 22, 2010

To tha Porch

At 4:20 it's where John goes and tells the world via Facebook

419pm- meh
420pm- TO THA PORCH!!!!!

by 2thaPorch February 23, 2021

Porch Game

When you are hitting her back porch on the front porch, because her old man is inside the house.

He snuck over and hit it on the front porch. Jason has strong porch game.

by ForReelzDell September 7, 2019

porch tease

As made famous by the television show "The New Adventures of Old Christine"; a porch tease is a female who leads a guy on for a prolong period of time, but never lets him past the front porch because she was never really interested in him to begin with. Said porch may be literal or hypothetical.

Guy #1: Hey bro, so what's the deal with you and Lisa? Are y'all official yet?

Guy #2: Nah man, she won't even let me inside her house.

Guy #1: Sounds like you've got yourself a porch tease, dude.

by Pugahontas November 13, 2011