Skip to main content

Performance Review

A process where some cunt you're forced to spend far too much time with sits you down and wastes an hour of your life every year telling you how wonderful they are and how rubbish you are in order to justify their own meaningless existence and make them feel powerful.

The degree of shit you'll receive generally depends on how well you've covered up the cunt's mistakes over the year and also depends on how brown your tongue is from ass licking over the year.

To be treated with utter contempt unless you are a brown tongued ass licker in which case you can fuck off. PS your colleagues hate you.
Manager: It's time for your Performance Review

Employee: Woo! I can't wait for this valuable loopback session!

Fast forward for an hour:

Manager: So in summary, you've met all of your objectives all year and been a key member of the team. We're not giving you a pay award however as you've had a haircut that was outside of our dress code and appearance policy and took a day off when your father died and expected to be paid for it.
Performance Review by HR_Advisory January 4, 2012
Performance Review mug front
Get the Performance Review mug.
See more merch

performance review

A chance for others less capable than yourself to get their own back
I worked my ass off for six months on that project and delivered on time and on budget but in my performance review all my boss could do was critique my soft skills.

performance review

When Seth Rogen comes to your workplace and asks you to take him through your typical day at work.
"Mr. Samberg, thanks for coming to your performance review."
"No problem."
"So you're in charge around here, is that fair to say?"
"Absolutely! I'm da bawz."
performance review by herpy August 25, 2011

performance review

A chance for others less capable than yourself to get their own back
I worked my ass off for six months on that project and delivered on time and on budget but in my performance review all my boss could do was critique my soft skills.

bang a you-ee 

of Massachusetts orig. "to make a u-turn"
hey, we missed the bar, bang a you-ee
Word of the Day on July 19, 2026
The word 'flag' as pronounced by people with thick Belfast accents. The term is a perfect encapsulation of the disproportionate and overblown reaction to the removal of the Union Jack (as in 'de fleg') from above City Hall in Belfast. Where previously it had flown for 365 days per year, it is now flown on 17 designated days of the year - in line with many other British cities.

The event caused a portion of the Protestant community ('fleggers') to make international pricks of themselves as they proceeded to wreck the fucking place, claiming it was another erosion of a 'British' identity they perceive to have been under attack since the horrifying spectre of equality reared its head in Northern Ireland.

The word 'fleg' - and indeed 'fleggers' - fittingly describes a section of humanity unconcerned with knowledge, reality or the vagaries of the English language. Like America's tea-baggers they are ruled by instinct, fear and paranoia with a side dish of rampant bigotry and startling ignorance of the world around them.
"Wat de fuck like! The taigs got de fleg took down! Let's wreck de fuckin place! No surrender!"

"De fleg has been took down! Before ye know it there'll be a united Ireland! Attack Short Strand! God Save The Queen!"
Fleg by OnionFleg August 9, 2013
Word of the Day on July 18, 2026
To take something small, that doesn't quite qualify as a theft. Probably from the Danish "skæv" or the Dutch "scheef", both of which are pronounced similarly, meaning "askew, or not quite right'. To change an item's ownership without permission, but only something small and of little worth.
"I skeefed an apple off the neighbor's tree." "I skeefed some chips outta your bag when you looked away." "Don't skeef my chair when I go to the bathroom."
Skeef by kachinaflonk July 16, 2026
Word of the Day on July 17, 2026