Absentee Printing 

The much maligned practice of printing eleventy billion pages in a busy computer lab and then leaving them unattended on a laser printer's paper tray for long periods of time. Absentee printers often confuse and annoy their fellow computer lab patrons as their excessive printing quickly buries the print jobs of other lab patrons.

This practice often forces harried college students to waste precious time sifting through dozens of pages of random senior theses, flyers, newsletters, and other miscellaneous crap in order to find their term papers, tragically thwarting last minute attempts to finish and print homework 5 minutes before class starts.

Chronic absentee printers often sit blissfully at their computers browsing Facebook for extremely long periods of time before retrieving their documents.

Absentee printing is endemic to college computer labs the world over.

Bob stormed in late to his philosopy class because his essay got caught up in the fray of absentee printing.

Jane stood hovering over the printer for five minutes as he waited for the 100 page print job of an anonymous absentee printer to hopelessly spew out of the printer.

Absentee Printing by iNetter December 1, 2009

Absentee Fan 

An absentee fan is someone who claims to be a huge fan of a sport and/or a team. This person will own a ton of apparel for said sport/team, and watch sportscenter for highlights of that sport/team often. However, this person will never, ever watch actual games of said sport/team, and they will never be emotionally affected by the outcome of that sport/team.

One person may be an absentee fan of multiple sports and multiple teams.

John: Hey Steve, we are all going to watch the Yankees ALDS game at Rick's house tonight, do you want to come?

Steve: Sorry man, I wanted to catch up on some cleaning tonight. Maybe next time. I'll just watch the highlights on sportscenter. I hope the Yankees win though.

Rick (after Steve leaves): Don't worry John, Steve is just an absentee fan.

Absentee Fan by Yanksrule56 June 4, 2010

Absentee man

A guy who wants you to believe that you and him are in a serious relationship but is never present or doesnt actually do anything for you or with you. He expects your full commitment despite his negligence of the relationship and your needs.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself and leave him! Drake is clearly an absentee man.

Absentee man by ReDivulger November 22, 2021

Absentee gear

Absentee gear is gear which looks good to a beginner who isn't familiar with a hobby yet, but is actually low quality.
The kind that a good role model (such as a present father figure) would prevent you from buying, as they'd tell you to do better.

Often, but not always, associated with "50 features in 1", gimmicks with little practical application, and cheaper materials.
Originates in the outdoor community, but is applicable for a broad range of hobbies.

Jeremy bought a survival axe from walmart with a built-in compass, survival whistle and magnifying glass. Unfortunately the handle was made from cheap plastic, so it broke within a week.

Had he had someone to show him what to look for instead, he'd not have fallen for such absentee gear.

Absentee gear by questionable_definitions February 22, 2026

Law of Absentee Wingmanning

If you leave two drunk people alone long enough, they will invariably make out.

The other night with Brent I just followed the Law of Absentee Wingmanning and left the bar.

Law of Absentee Wingmanning by thechop123 April 27, 2009

Absenteecrown3 

Professional minecraft controller player
Very popular for being good on 60fps

Omg its absenteecrown3. He is so hard to beat at minecraft

Absenteecrown3 by LemonTurtle4 March 13, 2021

Testicular Absenteeism 

1. Having no balls; weak and worthless like a jellyfish.
2. Lacking the ability to stand for what is right in the face of criticism.
3. Appeasement.

Mr. Douche parades around the office like a Badass until he's challenged, then he comes down with an acute case of Testicular Absenteeism.

Testicular Absenteeism by RorschachNEOCON May 15, 2012