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A Wreath \ˈrēth\ is a large grass bagel that is hung without purpose or reason on the front of your shitty door in an attempt to mask your sad and pathetic marriage. It was created, in most circumstances, by an unwarranted child brought into the world by promiscuous rebellion sex inspired by your fiery hatred toward your strict and religious parents. Thus you live the rest of your existence and secret contempt, fighting the urge to murder your loved ones and become a stripper by hanging useless trinkets on the front of your door with a smile.
Kari: "Oh Susan that's a beautiful ring of of weeds and sticks! and what gave you the idea to nail such a delightful a clump of shit to your door?"

Susan: "Well thank you Kari! It's actually a wreath I saw in a target catalog! oh and the need to distract my self from my inevitable suicide."
wreath by 6figganigga December 9, 2013
Hair sprouting in a ring-like fashion around the asshole.
Sometimes, people hang a wreath on the back door!
Seeing her wreath made me want to bray.
wreath by Mo' Benjamin February 1, 2008
A large, iced out chain around one's neck.
Ah man, you already know I got that new Elliot Avianne wreath.
Wreath by ToothyBJ October 1, 2018
The one that does your mom.
My name is Wreath.Look, I am your father.
Wreath by dmwreath2 April 18, 2022
will tear or break the opposed
I WILL FUCKING WREATH YOU TILL YOUR CORPSE FALLS INTO A CHAMBER SO DEEP IN SATANS GODAMN ASS IT WONT EVEN SMELL LIKE FUCKING HELL ANYMORE
Wreath by maaaaaaaaaaxxxx February 25, 2023

wreath around 

When someone inserts an obscene joke into an otherwise innocent conversation, usually with the point of highlighting their sexual prowess and worldly experience at the expense of others.
C: "I prefer the little one."
K: "Honey, stay with the little ones. Once it gets over 9 inches, it just hurts like hell. And when there's two of them, it hurts even more."
J: "Wow, I think he just did a wreath around you.
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Pee Calculus

When you have to pee in a movie but don’t want to miss anything, and must do the following mental equation: will the amount I have to pee cause enough discomfort to diminish my attention capacity for the remainder of the movie to an extent which is greater than the amount of the movie I would miss by making a mad dash to the restroom.
I saw Satantango last night, wonderful film but by the 5th hour I had to start doing pee calculus.
Pee Calculus by anorlondo October 1, 2026
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