Pork Scotch

A short, stocky man with a shaved head. Close to pensionable age but believes himself to be young and with-it. Drives a small white van. He thinks its cool to cook food outside with his drag-act "girlfriend", believing that sharing a garlic bread at a green plastic table is all that is required for a barbecue. Also known as Mr Boring, Mr Ugly and The Arsehole.

Pork Scotch is a total twat
Its gay to wear a buffalo hat
Your girlfriend's really a man in drag
Your boring face makes people gag

Pork Scotch by Benny Twadge April 18, 2009

Pork Scotch

A boring old man that has a shaved head where there is a bald spot at the top-back and the hair surrounding it is spirally. Pork Scotch is the name of the hairstyle but the bloke is called a Pork Scotch aswell.When the boring old bastard speaks to you, you feel suicidal with boredom. He wears a cowboy hat-shaped buffalo skin hat. He has terrible tast in clothing, he sits outside in the back garden and thinks its cool and fun to have a bbq evryday wearing a hawaiian-like shirt with horrible, boring shorts reading a paper with his wife that looks like a man in drag. Pork Scotch is also known as Mr Boring, Mr Ugly, and The Arsehole. His real name is Max (AKA Pork Scotch)

MONK: Look at The Arsehole. The clothes are terrible! Ugly, Ugly old bastard!
DAD: I know. Look, he´s sitting at the table in the garden with his back to us so we get a good view of the Pork Scotch

Pork Scotch by Ednatoast Jeeganflipperwick April 26, 2009

Pork Scotch Van 

A clapped-out white van driven by miserable little security guards. These vehicles are filthy and frequently break down. The fat driver will often try to save a parking place for himself by putting a traffic cone in the road outside his house. This annoying practice is best dealt with by rescuing the cone from the fat guy's possession and installing it in the back of a Maltby lorry two streets away.

What do you call a toilet on wheels?

A Pork Scotch van.

Pork Scotch Van by Lumpbag May 10, 2009

Pork Scotch Moustache 

A small white moustache sported by bald security guards to prove they can grow hair. If the security guard is particularly old, fat and ugly he'll believe his moustache makes him good looking and suave.

Who's the gimp with the Pork Scotch Moustache?

That's Pork Scotch, the fat, ugly security guard.

Pork Scotch Moustache by flappy dickwad May 6, 2009

Pork Scotch dance

A gay dance done by fat old men when they get drunk at barbecues. The spectacle is greatly enhanced when the fat old man is wearing a buffalo-skin hat and strips down to his tartan boxer shorts.

Is that fat guy having a fit?

No, he's just doing a Pork Scotch dance. Ridiculous ain't it?

Pork Scotch dance by Flappy Dickwad May 6, 2009

Pork Scotch Jacket 

A snot-coloured hi-viz jacket worn by fat ugly security guards who are terrified of rain. The Pork Scotch Jacket will be worn whatever the weather because the slightest bit of rain is a complete catastrophe to the fat bastard who cries himself to sleep wishing he was back in South Africa where his boyfriends live.

What's this fat old twat wearing? Looks like an overcoat made of snot.

Its a Pork Scotch Jacket. Although its a hundred degrees in the shade there's still a chance a drop of rain might come along to ruin the fat ugly bastard's year.

Pork Scotch Jacket by Kenny Spoffo-Grumpbeetle August 6, 2009

Pork Scotch's Cone

A cone wrongly stolen by Pork Scotch that he once used to keep a space for his small white van outside his house while he went out in it because he thinks he is important because he's a security guard (EVEN more important than Shit Stained Schumachers you know). Because he had no right to do it, I moved it so that a car would park there. When he got back the look of shock on the ugly bastards face was phenomenal when he saw that a car had parked there. With a usual grumpy look on his face, he moved it onto the front of the house. He works from 6pm to 6am so at 10 we put it in a bin bag and took it onto another road an left it on the back of a Maltby lorry. In the morning, he was looking all over the place for his beloved cone with a mad look of disbelief. Looks like he'll never see his cone again. Poor Porky!

SWYTHEERBRIDGE: Whats that orange thing on the back of the Maltby lorry?

MONK AND DAD: That's Pork Scotch's Cone.

Pork Scotch's Cone by Ednatoast Jeeganflipperwick May 4, 2009