metal: Groaaaaaaaaargh!!! Life is hard. Groooooaaaaaaaarrrrgh!!! Life is hard.
by Paint Bucket December 11, 2006
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A sad pathetic subgenre of music made up of countless sub-subgenres.Metal fans have to try and shield metal from criticism by reaching for as many classic rock bands as they can and hold them up to try and shield their beloved metal genre from criticism.It's quite funny.They're all like "Led Zeppelin,Van Halen,AC/DC....aw fuck motley crue,lamb of god...oh..i'm so ashamed..."
hang your head in perpetual shame metal boys
by ha hahahahahahaha September 08, 2006
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Metal is a bunch of jumbled noise which always sounds the same. It started off with good intentions but there are only so many original songs you can write using open-eight or open-one on the guitar(for those of you who don't play guitar this is a reference to the frets on which every metal song ever written is played... basically if you need to read this to understand the reference go to guitar center, pick up a guitar and play open-one-open-one-open-open-open-one and you can officially play metal). well i was just gonna be quick and witty about this but now im gonna go on a rant....
metal bands that are incredibly UNoriginal- any band that uses blast beats. don't misunderstand me... i think metal drummers are some of the most musically talented people alive, but when all you hear is five minutes of metronome-like drumbeats it gets redundant. I was in high school band, and i remember being annoyed straight to death when our shitty trumpet section practiced during class because the metronome was going the whole time.(btw being in band was the greatest thing i have ever done for my musical life and if you weren't in band or didn't have professional training then you probably have timing issues) Back to my point... blast beats=obnoxious. Then there is guitar... I am a guitarist, and i KNOW that Michael Angelo Batio is the greatest guitarist who has ever walked the unworthy face of this planet.(Just dropping a good name so you understand what i consider talent.) I know most of the people who read this are not musicians so i will dumb this down a bit. Mot metal bands play in some form of dropped-d(whether its dropped-c like darkest hour or dropped-b like unearth or dropped-a with 7-string guitars or even when morons, who can't understand the fact that guitar is not meant to be a bass, tune down as far as G). so i will speak in dropped-d language... all metal songs are written in one of two keys on the guitar (in standard dropped-d)the key of D-minor(Open-Eight) or F-Major(Open-One<also known as D-Locrian>.) They may tune down to hell and back but they still use the same frets and write the same songs over and over and over and over and over and over and... I know from experience that if a metal band tries to write in a different key then they are labeled as sellouts or emo-fags.
and that is just pure ignorance... pure musical ignorance. point is... while metal guitarists are usually amazingly talented players, they are very closed-minded and seem to think they have to play a certain way to prove their true metaldom. Vocals... scream, yell, done. some metal vocalists sing, and sometimes it's good, but sometimes it sucks.
The best metal bass players are actually the oneswho don't do anything that remotely resembles the guitars but actually go the fuck off with some crazy basslines that still fits with what the rest of the band. Now if you have made it this far you either agree with me or hate me... but let me tell you why i think the way I do. I was in a faggot-ass screamo band. but i was a metalhead and very unhappy with what we were playing. i was kicked out because i didn't dress right to be in the band(i.e. no girlpants) so i continued my metal binge... I came up with bands like, Cephalic Carnage, Cannibal Corpse, Pig Destroyer, Morbid Angel, and Death. but eventually I realized that i was only listening to that because i wanted to be more metal than the next guy. then i realized that the amazing talent i was hearing was strangely boring and repetitive. My motto for music, and life is "Write something you can't play, and when you can play it you will be better." I still listen to some metal...
Between the Buried and Me, Dillinger Escape Plan, The Human Abstract, Glass Casket, The Black Dahlia Murder, and Unearth. Sorry, but I grew up and now i am a better musician because i expand my knowledge of music.
metal is boring and redundant. listen to classical music, or jazz, then decide if you like music or if you just like being part of a group.
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Hilairously over the top music genre that thinks playing very fast will somehow make quality music. Fans are often very defensive when it comes to this, and will often tell critics to listen to "some REAL metal." This "REAL metal" is in fact some obscure band that has a name like BONES OF DEATH or ETERNAL DYING and sounds like everything else out there.

How to make a metal song:
1) Fast guitars that are heavy on the distortion (unless it's "the slow song")
2) Pounding drums with unncessairly complicated fills
3) Stupid screaming/growling vocals that don't make any sense
4) A stupid title that usually relates to something graphic or violent. Only serves to highlight the fact that the bans is made up of long haired 40-somethings who are acting like they are 12 years old.
Person A: Wow, this whole metal thing sure is a crappy music genre!

Person B: You ignorant cretin, here is some REAL METAL!

Person A:...no, it's still crappy. And for gods sake, have a shower and cut your hair.
by iamthehighway May 19, 2008
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Unspeakably loud sound "art" favored by my roommates. Characterized by a lack of melody and a focus on speed over substance.

Usually accomanied by foul smelling urchins found passed out in a pile of discarded Beast cans, and the lingering aroma of vomit and weed.
Pictures drawn by 7 year old boys of guns shooting endless streams of bullets is to art, as metal is to music.
by StopIt April 18, 2008
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a word to replace the word 'cool' or 'awesome'.
becoming more popular with the scene/indie crowd in the U.S.
"dude, that shit was fucking metal!"

"damn, did you go to that metal show last night?"
by JoeREDUNK! January 04, 2008
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Quite possibly the biggest load of crap I've ever had the displeasure of having to listen to.

The sheer ear-splitting lameness of metal music could only be derrogated further by it's continued existance.
*puts playlist on shuffle*
*5 songs later*...

"What the shitting hell is this...!?!"

*checks playlist*..
"Pantera.. What the FUCK.. GTFO my playlist you SHIT"
*bandages ears*
by Hoe Master August 05, 2007
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