Cliff Richard

The absolute pretence that you are an angel with no baggage or skeletons in your closet and that you are a wholesome, pleasant being with no sexual perversions.

Person 1: Where's that chocolate cake gone?
Deviant: I don't know I never touched it.
Person 1: You dirty lying lowdown skank it's all around your mouth and that teenager's bell-end. You are a dirty lying Cliff Richard.

Cliff Richard by Shaker 1903 September 25, 2019

Cliff Richard

When someone is totally adverse to the idea of a sexual relationship.

Scottish Slang.

Friend 1: "That Sarah is a hot piece of ass."
Friend 2: " No point in even trying mate, she's a heavy Cliff Richard."

Cliff Richard by ShelWith1L May 10, 2014

Cliff Richard mood 

When one can't be fucked.

I was going to wash the car, but in the end I was in a bit of a Cliff Richard mood, so it's still covered in shit

Referenced obviously to the Peter Pan of Pop's famous celibacy. (Apart from when he gave Sue Barker a right seeing to back in the day)

Cliff Richard mood by captain fuckflaps July 24, 2010

Church of Cliff Richard 

Abstaining from sexual activities for whatever reason

Cliff Richard is a member of the Church of Cliff Richard (I have my own doubts on the validity of his claim though)

There are a wide variety of circumstances/choices that may qualify one for induction into the Church of Cliff Richard.

These include but are certainly not limited to:
1. Lack of interest
2. Lack of opportunity
3. Lack of effort
4. Lack of time
5. Lack of intelligence
6. Lack of self esteem/self worth/meaning/ego/gerbils/etc
7. Lack of puberty
8. Lack of appendages (apologies to those lacking appendages. Second hand hardly used or virgin appendages can be purchased at the gift shop of your local ‘Cliff’ – most of these have been repeatedly polished to perfection by experts in their field)
9. Physically unattractive to that which you are attracted to.
10. Emotionally unattractive to that which you are attracted to.
11. Morally unattractive to that which you are attracted to. (not necessarily a bad thing if they are evil n’ stuff, Bogans,)
12. Financially unattractive to that which you are attracted to.
13. Painful history/ poor choice in previous co-pilots on the airship of love

Excerpt from ‘The big book of Cliff – Chapter 11 The toe of the camel, verse 8:

And Cliffs half-brother Ralph’s next door neighbour’s grand daughter’s friend’s uncle did sayeth:

“I do believe there is at least one soul mate out there for everyone.
But there are approximately 6,869,575,369 (Six Billion, eight hundred and sixty nine million, five hundred and seventy five thousand, three hundred and sixty nine) people on this planet (most of them Bogans – that is a truck load of Bogans) at the moment; give up now, more chance of winning the lottery than finding true love. There is also the possibility that your soul mate could be born on the day that you die at the ripe old age of 267 after an extremely long, lonely, boring and meaningless life; that would kind of suck, but on the bright side you would be dead so you wouldn’t know anyway ”

Go Cliff, its ya birfday
…on Monday 14/10/1940
Hmm… “Monday’s child is fair of face” – too true, Cliff always did have very nice facial skin – very tanned for a Pom, very tanned indeed.

Luke Warm is a proud (refer: tool) member of the Church of Cliff Richard
While this is not a philosophy that I preach in the streets; it is who I am and is very important to me (refer: tool).
Anything or anyone that has an issue with my beliefs is more than welcome to do whatever they wish as long as it does not involve turning me on in anyway. You have been warned, I will most likely explode …and then some from any external stimuli regardless of whether it be emotional or physical.

Remember kids…
“It is indeed rad and hot to be Cliff
You cannot get hurt if you do not have feelings.
Close your heart and your soul, limit your mind; be one with nothing.”

Saturday 20/12/2008

Church of Cliff Richard by Luke Warm December 23, 2008