that damn turtle

When you casually trip or fall and need to play it off by blaming the turtle, of course

Dude 1: *trips* Woah
Dude2: yo you okay?
Dude1:yea man it was that damn turtle
Dude2:what turtle?
Dude1: that damn turtle, you didn't see him? man he was right here!!

by Hailey B May 16, 2016

The turtles breath

The fart that precedes the sudden urge to shit, as the head of the shit momentarily emerges, before being drawn back into the anus. Much like when a turtle pokes its head above the water to breathe

'Did you just fart Stui?' That wasn't a fart mate, that was the turtles breath.... Gotta go!'

by Fabio Baracuda June 19, 2016

Turtle Belt

An elastic band (or other improvised object) used to close off the end of an uncircumcised penis at the point of ejaculation in order to quickly and cleanly move from your location.

I had to grab a turtle belt and run to the bathroom so I didn't stain the new couch.

by Redh00d4 May 3, 2018

Turtle fight

Two circumcised men get hard and try to dock, resulting in a turtle fight.

After reading about docking online, Tj and Shawn attempted to dock. Because both men were circumcised, it resulted in a turtle fight.

by Imnotafuckingtypewriter January 20, 2018

turtle dust

When you go to the restroom and you feel like you have to let one go and it feels like a turtle head sticking out and its really just dust.

Man I went to bathroom thinking I was going to have a good one and it turned out to be turtle dust.

by Bill Joe77 January 16, 2017

Turtle Head

When you get home after a long day needing to take a gargantuan shit and so you run to the toilet and knock over your kid in the hallway and slam the bathroom door shut and wait for that sweet sweet moment when you gloriously defecate all over the bathroom but instead end up straining your asscheeks for an hour only for a tiny ass piece of shit to slightly poke its way out of your asshole. That piece of shit is called a turtle head and know you have to choose to behead your turtle either by straining your asscheeks closed or pulling the piece of shit out with your fingers and now your hand smells of ass and your kid is crying in the hallway and you still have to make dinner and oh fuck why am I still alive

Mom: Jimothy, alight from your dwelling in order to receive nutrition handcrafted by your own mother.
Jimothy, tearfully: Mother, how I wish to fulfill that which you have requested of me! But alas, I am unable to, for I am stuck in the predicament of having to deal with a Turtle Head!
Mother, wailing: Jimothy, my dear beloved son! How I weep for you! How I mourn! That you should have to deal with such an ordeal! I am so deeply sorry, but alas, am unable to help.

by BaddSpelur October 31, 2019

Turtle kid

A turtle kid is a kid who is super chill but has a crackhead sense of humor and has a bad obsession with their turtle and probably something else. Overall, a good friend to have, just don't get them on the topic of turtles or they'll never shut the hell up.

Person one: hey did you see Jerry over there, does he always stare at his turtle lovingly like that?
Person two: Yeah, Jerry is such a turtle kid

by mizukei November 27, 2020