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Mormon

by Killian pace May 11, 2025
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book of mormon

the book of mormon is a mormon scripture claiming to be documents of jesus christ visiting the americas. the only branch of christianity to use the book of mormon as scripture is mormonism or “the church of jesus christ of latter-day saints.”

despite a fair amount of archaeological evidence that may support events occurring in the bible, there is no archaeological evidence of any event in the book of mormon. this is substantial because of the descriptions of large cities and huge battles in the book of mormon– any events of such magnitude would leave a very clear impression upon the land. of which evidence there is none backed by real scholars, in contrast to some archaeological sites matching descriptions in the bible, of which some events are accepted by both christian and non-christian scholars.

as well as lack of archaeological evidence, theres a stark lack of any DNA evidence to support the basic premise of the book of mormon. the book of mormon claims that indigenous people of the americas came from the middle east by way of boat. following this, as technology improved, scientists found much closer matches to asia, concluding that indigenous americans came to the americas by traveling over the frozen waters of the bering strait. this is the most widely accepted explanation within the field of science.

while still a piece of scripture to many, there has been no evidence accepted by the scientific community evidence to support these happenings.
Person 1: “Dude, did you know mormons believe native americans came from the middle east?”
Person 2:”What? They can’t possibly believe that, are you sure they really do?
Person 3:”Yeah, man, it says it in the book of mormon and everything!”
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Mormon Steamer

A Mormon steamer is a variation of a Cleveland steamer and hoch replaces Shit for porage.

This variation of the Cleveland steamer was made and pioneered by Eli W. Piryznski.
“Wow, Eli sure does give good Mormon Steamers!”
by HotFrog December 11, 2022
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Jewish Mormons

The Goldberg’s are Jewish Mormons.
by trehouselighter420 December 25, 2022
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Mormon

A main focus of the church of Jesus’ Christ of Latter Day Saints is on families. One purpose of their temples is to be eternally sealed as a family so you can be together forever. Resurrection part 2(heaven) is made up of three little groups depending how you lived your life; celestial, terrestrial, and telestrial.

Celestial is the highest heaven: it’s closer to god. you only get go there if you are sealed in the temple, have children, follow the word of wisdom, and if you repent for your sins. If you don’t have kids or get married, have fun in the terrestrial kingdom, especially if you’re gay. “sexual relations are proper only between a man and a woman who are legally and lawfully wedded” meaning if you’re gay, the church expects you to suck it up and shove it. Next up is the telestrial kingdom, the place farthest from god. if you lived a good life and followed the Ten Commandments, but not the word of wisdom you go there. Hell is the absence of god’s presence. You go there if you get ‘led astray by satan’, aka leave the church.

Overall the Mormon church is based on lies, and only adjusts its core beliefs so it doesn’t get canceled. They have a good community that focuses on making sure even if you want to leave all your friends are from the church and they would just pity you for leaving. The families all put up a front to look good for each other so they can do something other than cry or make a sports metaphor about god in front of the whole church.
Me: This is a rant and it barely scratches the surface. Go to the church website, lds.org, for their values, they have a dictionary thing that states their beliefs on certain topics. For stuff against the church, the ces letter by Jeremy runnels is a good place to start. Another good spot is YouTube interviews with Ex-Mormons.
by Macetree November 28, 2021
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Cache Valley Mormon

Member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints that live in Cache County, Utah. Arguably the worst Mormons out there due to their rampant level of incest and cheapness.
Dude 1: Dude look at this chick I matched with!
Dude 2: Yeah right dude, she's a Cache Valley Mormon.
Dude 1: No way, she's fine!
Dude 2: Sure if you like shopping at Walmart and hanging out at the Fun Park...
by Big Camp June 6, 2022
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Mormon handshake

1. Giving someone a handshake right after having sex without washing your hands.

2. When you’re right in the middle of having some nasty ass sex with your beautiful girlfriend when you suddenly hear a knock on the door. She is moaning loud, You’re both dripping in sweat, hair is a wreck, the room is hot and smelling like sex. She’s still lying on the couch naked, sexy and covered in sweat. She grabs a blanket to cover herself. You jump up and quickly put your shorts on and run to the door. You’re greeted by 2 nice young boys dressed in white shirts and ties who ask if you would like to hear more about our lord and savior Jesus Christ. You nicely decline and reach out your hand for a friendly handshake, completely forgetting that only moments ago your fingers were just deep inside your girlfriends wet pussy.
Dude, my hand smells like sex I think that guy just gave me a Mormon handshake.
by StarGirl;) June 26, 2022
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