Except for the Bible

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! WHAT!?

Hym "CAN YOU BELIEVE HE JUST FUCKING SAID THAT!? 'Be careful what you read... EXCEPT FOR THE BIBLE!?' BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA- COUGHCOUGHCOUGHCOUGHCOUGH!!! PFFFTTSSSEECGH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! WHAT!? AND SHE JUST ROLLS HER EYES AT HIM! OOOOOOH MY NON-EXISTENT JEW-GOD! THAT IS PRICELESS! It's like something you would hear in a 'God is not dead' movie! It's like they hired the 'God is not dead' guy to write their responses! Seriously! Get this guy out of here! There is something WRONG with these fucking people! That is why a Christian pastor is shooting your fucking senators! You need to not be too stupid to do something about that! And I know it's hard for you because you are exactly THAT stupid but really you need to get with the program. They will get you all killed. If 'THAT' IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING... You need to make an executive decision and save yourselves."

by Hym Iam June 18, 2025

Bible Thumping Trumper

Exactly what is says. If God is okay with Trump being President than so am I.

Did you vote red?
Of course I did! I am a Bible Thumping Trumper

by AA Friend of Bill August 11, 2025

Bible School Crush

1. The person you catch unholy feelings for during Vacation Bible School — usually while swearing you’re “not even looking for anything right now.” You lock eyes across the craft table, or during a group worship song, and suddenly you’re imagining a joint testimony at your future wedding. Charming smile, questionable life choices, walking red flag.

2. A short-lived, overly wholesome-yet-chaotic situationship powered by proximity, youth group energy, and an unhealthy amount of soda from the fellowship hall. Ends with him ghosting you like he just got called on a permanent mission trip to another dimension

“I told myself I wasn’t dating this summer… then Octavio, my Bible School Crush, asked if I wanted to sit with him during Bible study and now I can’t listen to ‘Our God Is an Awesome God’ without crying.”

by SeheKeineRotenFlaggen August 13, 2025

SunDay schooooBJGUN BOOK BIBLE

The beginning of the the supreme Benningfield junior supreme bemmimgfield junior when gomightybjis gomightydjis lormightybjis lormightydjis jamightybjis jamightydjis made MUAHLONNBEINGS AND WOMUAHLONNBEINGS now muahlonnbeings was called outforemales and they had beards and dicks and the WOMUAHLONNBEINGS was called Inforemales and they had bejrovbreasts and behinds both came together and they belong together and they was called flesh and relbjalood relbjaleed relbjaleeding then gomightybjis gomightydjis created Animents dejroogur dejrooger bejroogur bejroogar bejroogull and the doubjrag and that was everything then I created glomightybejis and that was the universe's of the GomightyBJis GomightyDJis the supreme benningfield junior supreme bemmimgfield junior and then I rested. By lbj as in Lonnie Benningfield junior LBJAY MARCH 10th 19eightynine.

I invented and made and created and started Sunday schooooBJGUN book Bible. The end of chapter 1 the beginning of Benningfield junior. By lbj as in Lonnie Benningfield junior LBJAY MARCH 10th 19eightynine.

by Lonnie Benningfield juniorshaq October 2, 2025

Bible

It’s an expression, currently used my tha Kardashian. It means « I swear »

So instead saying « i swear, it was delicious ! » you should say « omg BIBLE, it was delicious ! »

by Coffeelover05 November 24, 2021

How Christians Read the Bible

By presupposing it's truth and then create a narrative that is parallel to the text and then accepting this adjacent narrative AS TRUTH... Regardless of what the text actually says.

Hym "And then what they do is believe the narrative that is constructed around the text... In spite of the FACT that it is a manifestation of their own mind. So, it doesn't matter WHAT YOU SAY... As long as the conclusion is that the religion is both true and good. And it looks something like this:

Dr. JeepJorp "Flabbity florbity flip flop! Everyone KNOWS that flabbity florbity flip flop and that = the Bible true and good!"

Sheeple "Hey! I'm everyone! You're right! I know that, I mean, come on. Do you think I don't know that flabbity florbity flip flop? Everyone know it!"

Hym "And that's how Christians read the Bible."

by Hym Iam June 14, 2024

Why I don't trust the Bible

Holy shit, it's like watching Jesus get flogged! That was brutal! That whole debate was just brutal!

Hym "Except I don't think I'd actually laugh at the sight of Jesus getting flogged. I might masterbate though, bah dum ts! Sad wank for Jesus! Why I don't trust the bible? More like 'why you don't want the sauce!' Got this nigga lookin like he never even SEEN a book!"

by Hym Iam June 19, 2024