The phantom jerk is performed when one is bored with casual conversation and wishes to cause a disturbance. Essentially, when the speaker enters an excessively boring stretch of context, the listener quickly makes a masturbating motion with one hand, never longer than one second in duration. Eye contact must be held, because the aim is to distract the speaker but appear to not have done anything. The follow-up must be perfect: remain emotionless, because otherwise the speaker will know what's up. They'll often ask what just happened, but the jerk-ee must deny all involvement.
Worker 1: Yeah, so at Tina's party last night, she got totally hammered, man. Afterwards we went to that new pub downtown, 'cause I heard they had some smashing sweet potato crisps, and-
Worker 2: *fapfapfap*
Worker 1: - some sort of new mixed dri.. What the fuck was that, mate?
Worker 2: What was what?
Worker 1: I could've sworn you just had a wank at me.
Worker 2: I haven't a clue what you're talking about. What're you implying? (Phantom wank successful.)
Worker 2: *fapfapfap*
Worker 1: - some sort of new mixed dri.. What the fuck was that, mate?
Worker 2: What was what?
Worker 1: I could've sworn you just had a wank at me.
Worker 2: I haven't a clue what you're talking about. What're you implying? (Phantom wank successful.)
by Thatfuckinghorse January 31, 2008
Get the phantom wankmug. Noun. The act of engaging in mutual masturbation only, or engage in cybersex, with a partner without actual intercourse taking place.
Verb. To engage solely in mutual masturbation, or engage in cybersex, with a partner and nothing else.
Verb. To engage solely in mutual masturbation, or engage in cybersex, with a partner and nothing else.
Filbert and I had a wank and thank last night on instant messenger.
Lisa wanked and thanked with her ex-boyfriend after they broke up.
Lisa wanked and thanked with her ex-boyfriend after they broke up.
by Sheldon Wangle October 2, 2007
Get the wank and thankmug. Pastime carried out by females or males of the general public and or celebrities. The act of masturbation by a man or a woman thinking of a subject or persons being "topical"/ current i.e. in the news and or media at the time of the masturbation/wank act.
during the Wimbledon tennis tournament (2week period), if wanking in the morning, one might say:
"i woke up this morning and had a topical wank whilst thinking of Serena Williams nailing Tsvetana Pironkova with a strap on cock in a lesbian love fest.
"i bashed one out last night during the news to that Russian spy Anna Chapman. It was a deeply satisfying topical wank".
"i woke up this morning and had a topical wank whilst thinking of Serena Williams nailing Tsvetana Pironkova with a strap on cock in a lesbian love fest.
"i bashed one out last night during the news to that Russian spy Anna Chapman. It was a deeply satisfying topical wank".
by Unknown Minman July 12, 2010
Get the Topical Wankmug. This is when you masturbate in an unusual way.
You could be upside down at the time, using two elbows, your feet, sports equipment or rolling pins.
The purpose of extreme wanking is to spice up your wank life
You could be upside down at the time, using two elbows, your feet, sports equipment or rolling pins.
The purpose of extreme wanking is to spice up your wank life
Extreme Wanking example
The Andre Agassi : Double back hander
1. Assume a seated position
2. Point your legs to the heavens.
3. Put your hands underneath your legs.
4. Put both hands around your penis.
5. Enjoy!
The Andre Agassi : Double back hander
1. Assume a seated position
2. Point your legs to the heavens.
3. Put your hands underneath your legs.
4. Put both hands around your penis.
5. Enjoy!
by G-spot and McScrote May 25, 2007
Get the Extreme Wankingmug. The term used when you have to work on a Bank Holiday when you really don't want to. I.e. A Working Bank Holiday
by Gazmonde May 3, 2010
Get the Wank Holidaymug. The act of masturbating to avoid any sexual tension before seeing a person you really shouldn't have sex with.
by vincent9119 April 2, 2013
Get the Strategic Wankmug. When you begin to have "feelings" for a girl that appear as love but may just be lust you begin to think of an elaborate future together in your pants. However, in order to establish whether or not this is love you will masturbate, or "wank" thinking of them, sometimes with the aid of pictures. After climaxing you begin to regain your normal though process and are no longer thinking with your dick. If the feelings stay its love, if not then it was not meant to be.
" I wasn't sure if should ask her out, so I did a quick wonder wank and realized how annoying she was"
"I had a quick wonder wank and I KNOW I love her!"
"I had a quick wonder wank and I KNOW I love her!"
by trissy2662 January 16, 2015
Get the Wonder Wankmug.