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I fuck your mom

Preacher:have you heard of Jesus

Me:I fuck your mom
Preacher:dies
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i could care less

Used incorrectly by idiots to mean 'I couldn't care less'.
This is turn means 'I care so little about this topic that my level of caring is at its utmost minimum'

When people say 'I could care less', what they are actually saying is:
'My level of caring is not yet at its minimum, and there is scope to care less about this topic.'
...Which is one of the most useless things you can tell someone.
A: "The paint is nearly dry! Oh wow what a momentous occasion!"
B: "I couldn't care less"
A: "This person is disinterested, therefore I shall refrain from further comment about such matters"

Incorrect version:
A: "The paint is nearly dry! Oh wow what a momentous occasion!"
B: "I could care less"
A: "Erm...ok...thanks for letting me know?" O_o
by correctioncan221 May 22, 2013
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But then I took an arrow to the knee

the universal excuse for why you didn't do something. A.K.A the most common youtube comment.
Girl: Did you go to the store today.
Guy: I was going to, but then I took an arrow to the knee.
by Spongebob1 June 18, 2012
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can i bag you

I’m going to shoot my shot like I’m Devan Booker “can I bag you”
by Ethan is a qt May 19, 2022
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I have to work tonight

A phrase that a depressed person utters when his/her friends are inviting them to do something fun. It can be used as an excuse for getting out of doing something shitty, or, it's most commonly just a sad, honest response to the invitation.
Gary: Hey man, let's go watch monday night football tonight, then we can go play some intramural flag football afterwords.

Steve: I have to work tonight.

Gary: Wow, you must be depressed.
by JoeyRogue77 October 5, 2009
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i literally can't even

Usually a girl says it meaning they can but they don't want to or they are in shock or just can't belive somthing
Omg Becky look at this pic Jenny posted of me like I literally can't even I look so fat
by jc caylen is sexy as fuck October 24, 2015
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i split my sides

when something that is humorous or witty someone may say "i split my sides" refering to them laughing very hard
tim: whats 300 pounds, lives in the attic, only eats pizza and only drinks beer?
john: i dont know, what?
tim: you
barry: i split my sides
by neonbrian December 21, 2008
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