Pop punk is best described as pure, unadulterated crap. Thats right, nothing good makes its way into this music. You will know that you are listening to pop
punk when you have the sudden urge to kill yourself. The bands who play the music usually know 3 chords on their respective instruments, plus someone bangs on a single snare drum. The most common characteristic of a pop
punk fan is a large cleft centered on the
face, surrounded with short, curly hair and a tiny, sensitive bud located within a few folds of skin, in the upper portion. The color of the hair usually matches the eyebrows. A pop
punk fan also has no tolerance for good bands, and will commonly say such uneducated statements
like "The Beatles suck,
man, put on some Guster, rock on, derrrrrrr". You may substitute "The Beatles" for any classic/90's rock band. To form a band name for your own pop
punk band, pick an obscure word out of Webster's, and then follow it with a dash and a
random number of 3 digits or less.
St.
Peter: Why do you think you deserve to be in heaven son? After all, suicide is a mortal sin.
You: Well, Pete, I accidentally heard a pop punk song...
St.
Peter: Say no more, my son. Welcome to heaven, and you won't have to hear that
shit here. Would you like your complimentary Led Zep album now, or later?