A 3 square mile cesspool of idiocy just to the north of Boston, Everett has rapidly spiraled into best place to get in a machete fight in a parking lot. The only thing that rates in this balloon-knot of a city is Everett High School football and the steaknuts that participate in it. Every Saturday in the Fall, Everett Stadium fills to the brim with strung-out high schoolers, soon-to-be-pregnant cheerleaders, and middle-aged failures, who have never quite gotten over that time in '73 when they could have been state champions if coach had only put them in the game.
Everett is the best place to go if you want Dunkin' Donuts, a submarine sandwich or a funeral, because there is an outlet for each of those at least every 20 feet. There are other attractions in E-Town too: In the mood for a dirty, trashbag strip club attached to a motel? Head for King Arthurs! Want to drink an $8 Bud surrounded by styrofoam gargoyles from Spencer Gifts? The Crypt is your destination my friend. Are you kind of a dork and want to make one-stop to achieve badassness? You can get a gold chain, a tattoo AND a firearm at Ma-Zel's on Ferry St (convienently across the street from The Crypt).
Yes, Everett is magical place, where the heroin is cheap and the calzones are hot! Visit now before it's officially annexed by Brazil.
Everett is the best place to go if you want Dunkin' Donuts, a submarine sandwich or a funeral, because there is an outlet for each of those at least every 20 feet. There are other attractions in E-Town too: In the mood for a dirty, trashbag strip club attached to a motel? Head for King Arthurs! Want to drink an $8 Bud surrounded by styrofoam gargoyles from Spencer Gifts? The Crypt is your destination my friend. Are you kind of a dork and want to make one-stop to achieve badassness? You can get a gold chain, a tattoo AND a firearm at Ma-Zel's on Ferry St (convienently across the street from The Crypt).
Yes, Everett is magical place, where the heroin is cheap and the calzones are hot! Visit now before it's officially annexed by Brazil.
"Ya dude, I was at The Crypt last night in Everett, MA shooting up in the bathroom, and I was like fuckin' A, you know? And then I totally did this chick who was passed out next to the stage. Have you seen my machete?"
by skulls July 30, 2008
Get the Everett, MA mug.Everett high school is not only full of entitled white kids who have unrealistic aspirations to become SoundCloud rappers, but also Dutch bro loving white girls that skip class to go to the teriyaki place on Colby ave.
by StoopDownOnMyLevel November 15, 2019
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by LongTailinFront March 6, 2019
Get the Everett Grass mug.A 3.7 sq. mile city located just outside of Boston, while notable for its successful high school football team and location in which Dennis Lehane novels like to house potentially murderous child molesters, it is actually just offers a less expensive place to live than nearby communities of Somerville and Charlestown due to its low-scoring (academically speaking) high school. It has retained more of the rough-edged Boston character portrayed in books and movies, even as the quickly gentrified neighborhoods to the south trade Dunks for Starbucks and have renovated away the original character of the towns to cram in another million dollar condo and organic hemp milk dispensary.
As the saying goes "If you can't afford Cambridge, move to Somerville. If you can't afford Somerville, go to Everett, MA. if you can't afford Everett, go to Chelsea, MA. Can't afford Chelsea? Worcester. Can't afford Worcester? Go F--- yourself."
by orange line city March 30, 2013
Get the Everett, MA mug.Everett high school is not only full of entitled white kids with unrealistic goals to become SoundCloud rappers, but it’s also full of Dutch bro loving white girls that skip class to go to the teriyaki place on Colby ave :))
by StoopDownOnMyLevel November 15, 2019
Get the everett high school mug.A absolute unit of a person usually 6 feet tall has infinite Brainage and is intelligent and strong and funny and tall and friendly and brilliant and friends with people and goes to school and a good person.
New student: Whose that
Not new student: oh that is Everett Brown he is the most epic person Ever he is absolutely brilliant has infinite Brainage is 6 foot tall and runs quick and basketball and soccer and football and shootout and discus and tennis and swimming and powerlifting and run.
Not new student: oh that is Everett Brown he is the most epic person Ever he is absolutely brilliant has infinite Brainage is 6 foot tall and runs quick and basketball and soccer and football and shootout and discus and tennis and swimming and powerlifting and run.
by Everett is my name or is it December 6, 2021
Get the Everett Brown mug.by frostydoggos May 18, 2022
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