Soccer Mom

A white suburban mom, from 25 to 50 who refers to her kids as her “Precious Little Angels”, and shields them from reality constantly. They are not allowed to watch any movies rated over PG-13, and they can fuckin forget about watching any R-rated movies. Also not allowed to play any games not rated E. Also not allowed to interact with “the wrong crowd”. This includes, but is not limited to, anyone who isn’t white, anyone who isn’t a fundamentalist Christian, and anyone who doesn’t believe in right-wing bullshit. Also she automatically assumes that anything that isn’t Christian is either atheist or Satanic. She drives a “safe” 45 in a 70 mile per hour zone in her massive minivan or SUV to protect her “Precious Little Angels”, who are still in rear-facing carseats at ages 10 and 12. Usually also a Karen. Will often call the police when something doesn’t go her way or to discipline kids other than her own, and more often than not the cops are on this bitch’s side. If you see her, RUN AWAY AND GET AS FAR AWAY FROM HER AS POSSIBLE.

Me: WHAT THE FUCK BITCH? YOU WERE DRIVING FUCKING 45 ON A FUCKING HIGHWAY!
Soccer Mom: YOU WILL NOT USE SUCH LANGUAGE AROUND MY PERFECT LITTLE ANGELS! MY KIDS ARE HONOR ROLL STUDENTS AND GO TO CHURCH!
Me: YOU THINK I GIVE A SHIT? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH REPAIRS ARE GOING TO FUCKING COST?
SM: LANGUAGE AGAIN! HEY, WHY ARE YOU DRIVING A PRIUS LIKE AN ATHEIST INSTEAD OF A MINIVAN, SUV, OR TRUCK LIKE A CHRISTIAN, YOU LIBERAL HEATHEN!
Me: WHY DOES THAT FUCKING MATTER? YOU ARE GOING TO PAY FOR THE DAMAGE TO MY CAR!

SM: YOU WILL NOT YELL AT ME! AND IS THAT GTA ON THE FRONT SEAT? VIOLENT VIDEO GAMES ARE THE REASON WE HAVE MASS SHOOTINGS AND SERIAL KILLERS! IM CALLING THE POLICE! (calls 911)
(The police arrived and put me at fault when it was this bitch’s fault. Thank God I have a dashcam.)

by qw3r1y March 2, 2023

Soccer Mom

A soccer mom is an overly-protective mother whose role is to live the life of a child herself. She drive a huge ass SUV. She is usually shallow, ill-informed, self-indulgent, insecure. She assumes that “family value” kids like hers can do no wrong. She has never elevated herself from the high school focus of being popular, being “seen”, being “cute.” Her role in life is to “fit in,” her “thinking” is “cliché driven,” she is “family value” focused, but has no real understanding about what the term means and would be at a loss to try to define it. She feels sorry for those who do not have soccer mom credentials, who have no suv, no hellspawn (children), no “fashionably family valued” family like hers. Her hellspawns are an extension of herself, so she herself is a kid, and she molds them, transports them, educates them to think in the same shallow kid-like way she thinks. She is a “control freak” at heart with a mindset that is shallow and mindlessly routine. She doesn’t have the courage, the depth to express herself outside the “group think” of her soccer mom associates, for as in her high school days, she still seeks esteem from others by being popular, one of the gang. Wars, pestilence, poverty, the environment are issues that pass her by and always will. She is a robot, a child who has grown older but not wiser, an american dream tragedy culture has promoted, not having the depth to see or understand the sickness it has fostered

Me: *listening to Metallica in my 1969 Ford Mustang*
Soccer Mom: *drives to the side of me in a suv*
SM: You turn that awful and satanic garbage off this instant!
Me: *turns it to the max*
SM: TURN IT OFF YOU AWFUL MONSTER, MY CHILDREN ARE PRESENT AND THEY WILL GET CORRUPTED THANKS TO YOU!!!
Me: Fuck off, bitch.
SM: THAT'S IT! I'M CALLING THE POLICE, AND YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS IF I SEE YOUR STUPID CAR! NEWER IS BETTER!
SM: *drives away*
Me: Bye bye asshole..

by .u January 17, 2020

Soccer Geek

When guys typically high schoolers/College students live to talk about soccer at all time regardless if it's winter or fall it doesn't even need to be soccer season. Soccer is the only thing on their minds.

Rafael is such a soccer geek all he does is speak of soccer.

by Hijab March 11, 2011

soccer pfp

people who have a profile picture of some soccer person. they are normally known to be
1: annoying as they cannot talk about anything other than a ball game. but when they do talk about something else..
2: they have horrible takes. sometimes even homophobic or transphobic. the worst one out of all of them though.....
3: british.

pshh, this asshole on twitter is really trying to tell me that their are only 2 genders. Must be a soccer pfp.

by Worrski March 1, 2021

Soccer-dog

(noun or verb) With CapriSun in hand, while eating orange slices, a man goes doggy-style on a woman over the age of 40 (or a genuine soccer mom of any other age). Upon climax, the man releases himself and empties the remaining content of his CapriSun on the woman's back. For added bonus, orange peel remains are also thrown while shouting "YOU'VE BEEN SOCCER-DOGGED".

To fufill a lifelong childhood fantasy, Bill soccer-dogged Jane.

by Nathan Brauer October 21, 2004

Soccer sad

The feeling of disappointment and wounded national pride after a World Cup loss

My friend Sergio was soccer sad at Italy's disappointing tie with New Zealand.

Hans was soccer sad all day after Serbia defeated Germany.

by Peggy Thrill June 21, 2010

mystify soccer

The greatest game in the history of time.
Check it out at www.mystifygames.co.uk

The best game ever is mystify soccer

by Roberto March 26, 2004