From the vantage point of a rational human with functioning gustatory papillae, the lamb meat in all forms is the gastronomic equivalent of getting kicked in the testicles.
Imagine, if you will, meat that tastes like it’s been marinated in dirty old sweaters, perfumed with a hint of petting zoo after a spring rain, and garnished with the toxic secretions of a cane toad. The consumption of lamb is less a meal and more an elaborate prank gone wrong.
The texture? A true paradox. Somehow it is both sinewy and gelatinous, as though the animal was full of despair and sadness before its untimely demise. And the smell, how in tarnation can it smell that foul? The stench wafts through a home like the ghost of livestock past, clinging to drapes, walls, and assaulting the olfactory senses of every poor soul who is in the vicinity.
Supposed connoisseurs will wax poetic about its “earthy richness” or “rich, robust, and well-balanced flavor” which, when translated from nonsense speak to to honest English, means “sweaty mutton disguised as fine dining”. It is not “delicate,” it is despicable; it is not “robust,” but a belligerent assault on the taste buds.
Lamb should only be served if your guests have wronged you terribly or if you have lost all hope in the potential of food bringing you, or others, joy.
In conclusion, a lamb as a dish is best served NEVER. It is a betrayal of the palate, a disgrace to the kitchen, and a compelling argument for vegetarianism.
Imagine, if you will, meat that tastes like it’s been marinated in dirty old sweaters, perfumed with a hint of petting zoo after a spring rain, and garnished with the toxic secretions of a cane toad. The consumption of lamb is less a meal and more an elaborate prank gone wrong.
The texture? A true paradox. Somehow it is both sinewy and gelatinous, as though the animal was full of despair and sadness before its untimely demise. And the smell, how in tarnation can it smell that foul? The stench wafts through a home like the ghost of livestock past, clinging to drapes, walls, and assaulting the olfactory senses of every poor soul who is in the vicinity.
Supposed connoisseurs will wax poetic about its “earthy richness” or “rich, robust, and well-balanced flavor” which, when translated from nonsense speak to to honest English, means “sweaty mutton disguised as fine dining”. It is not “delicate,” it is despicable; it is not “robust,” but a belligerent assault on the taste buds.
Lamb should only be served if your guests have wronged you terribly or if you have lost all hope in the potential of food bringing you, or others, joy.
In conclusion, a lamb as a dish is best served NEVER. It is a betrayal of the palate, a disgrace to the kitchen, and a compelling argument for vegetarianism.
Jacob: You should come over for dinner tonight.
Patricia: That sounds lovely, what are we having?
Jacob: A lamb dinner, I was thinking a roast leg of lamb.
Patricia: I just threw up in my mouth.
Jacob: Lamb Souvlaki?
Patricia: I would rather starve.
Jacob: Lamb chops?
Patricia: Que distinguida.
Jacob: Lamb kofta?
Patricia: Que feo.
Jacob: Lamb Shank Ragu?
Patricia: Ohhhh, you know what? I just remembered, I am busy tonight, sorry.
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Fact: There is literally no version of lamb that is not completely disgusting
Patricia: That sounds lovely, what are we having?
Jacob: A lamb dinner, I was thinking a roast leg of lamb.
Patricia: I just threw up in my mouth.
Jacob: Lamb Souvlaki?
Patricia: I would rather starve.
Jacob: Lamb chops?
Patricia: Que distinguida.
Jacob: Lamb kofta?
Patricia: Que feo.
Jacob: Lamb Shank Ragu?
Patricia: Ohhhh, you know what? I just remembered, I am busy tonight, sorry.
-----------------------------------
Fact: There is literally no version of lamb that is not completely disgusting
by Volando Con El Viento April 20, 2025
Get the Lamb dinnermug. Lamb - when you look at a person and you cant tell if it's a female or male. Instead of saying it use lamb.
The word lamb came about when I tried to say lady and man at the same time
The word lamb came about when I tried to say lady and man at the same time
by the true meaning of wray May 9, 2018
Get the Lambmug. 
A group of people being sent into a situation where they're completely vulnerable, usually without realizing the danger that they're being in, like lambs being brought to slaughter.
Person: "STOP! LEAVE ME ALONE!"
Person 2: "GET OVER HERE!"
Person (in group): "LEAVE ME ALONE! YOU'RE DRAGGING US TO THIS PLACE LIKE LAMBS TO THE COSMIC SLAUGHTER!"
Person 2: "GET OVER HERE!"
Person (in group): "LEAVE ME ALONE! YOU'RE DRAGGING US TO THIS PLACE LIKE LAMBS TO THE COSMIC SLAUGHTER!"
by Brainless Maniac January 1, 2025
Get the lambs to the cosmic slaughtermug. A girl who is very good at softball and basketball! Very intelligent and honest. Has brown eyes and brown hair. She is So beautiful and will be your best friend if u treat her right. She is a good fighter, and can knock anyone out. She prefers to hang with boys bc she believes girls are bitches. She’s attracted to boys with black or brown hair, blue or brown eyes, abs and has ear piercings.
by 1234marie May 14, 2019
Get the jessica lambmug. He's overall pretty cool, but can be a dickhead at times. Definately a cool guy once you get to know him. Usually likes sports and acting gay when he's usually the straightest guy in the room.
by Calamity117 September 22, 2023
Get the Carter Lambmug. by iamnotmyself March 30, 2022
Get the The Lamb Saucemug.