by Simons biatch December 06, 2010
a gay snowman often mistaken for a 'vampire'. is also a sparkly rapist/stalker who dreams of eating his idiot girlfriend, bella. created by mentally insane woman named stephanie meyer, who obviously forgot her meds when she created him
I saw some sparkly rapist pretending to eat his girlfriend the other day" "Oh, it was probably Edward Cullen.
by gryffindorseeker816 December 18, 2010
the 108 year old virgin. Also known as the most amazing being to walk the earth. The only fictional character I've ever fallen for. The only fictional character worth falling for.
Stephenie Meyer is god.
Hes also a "vegetarian" vampire ;)
(meaning he doesn't prey on humans; only animals)
Stephenie Meyer is god.
Hes also a "vegetarian" vampire ;)
(meaning he doesn't prey on humans; only animals)
"Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars-points of light and reason.
. . . And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything."
-Edward Cullen (pg.514, Eclipse. Stephenie Meyer)
. . . And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything."
-Edward Cullen (pg.514, Eclipse. Stephenie Meyer)
by the girl posessed May 03, 2008
A sissy, pathetic and lame excuse for a vampire. What was once a well respected and feared, truly evil creature of nightmare has now been turned into a bleeding vagina symbol of puberty, vanity and Hot Topic. He is an incredibly two-demensional and skin deep character who's only thought process is "I love you, Bella, I love you, Bella, I love you, Bella, etc...". I will never forgive Stephenie Meyer for this attrocity. Bram Stoker must be turning in his grave.
Sorry to burst you wet dream bubble you emo, vampire-wanabes, but Edward has so many undateable qualities about him I thought I'd list a few.
1. He sparkles like glitter. Last time I checked straight men didn't do that.
2. He can't get a boner: Boners are caused when the spongy tissue (not a muscle) of the penis fills with warm, circulating blood. Edward's heart does not pump blood throughout his system as he is dead, and therefore it is not logical for him to get a boner. In lamen's terms, Edward has a permanent softy. At least now we know why he won't screw Bella despite the fact that she is whorishly throwing herself at him.
3. He is old. 107 years old I believe. Even though you have probably heard this argument before, you probably have not thought about the fact that being this old probably makes him a racist, a sexist, a communist and every other -ist that I can think of.
4. Finally, the guy is DEAD! What the hell is wrong with you? You necrophiliacs.
Sorry to burst you wet dream bubble you emo, vampire-wanabes, but Edward has so many undateable qualities about him I thought I'd list a few.
1. He sparkles like glitter. Last time I checked straight men didn't do that.
2. He can't get a boner: Boners are caused when the spongy tissue (not a muscle) of the penis fills with warm, circulating blood. Edward's heart does not pump blood throughout his system as he is dead, and therefore it is not logical for him to get a boner. In lamen's terms, Edward has a permanent softy. At least now we know why he won't screw Bella despite the fact that she is whorishly throwing herself at him.
3. He is old. 107 years old I believe. Even though you have probably heard this argument before, you probably have not thought about the fact that being this old probably makes him a racist, a sexist, a communist and every other -ist that I can think of.
4. Finally, the guy is DEAD! What the hell is wrong with you? You necrophiliacs.
Girl with down syndrome: OMG EDWARD CULLEN IS SOOO HAWT. I TOTALLY LOVE HIM AND I WANT TO MARRY HIM. HE IS GORGEOUS AND HAS NO FLAWS. YATTI YATTI YATTA, BLAH BLAH BLAH etc etc etc
Me: there goes another one of god's disappointments.
Me: there goes another one of god's disappointments.
by Bzzzzzzz January 29, 2011
Similar to Edward 40-hands but with two bottles of Scrumpys Cider. The Scrumpys are taped to the hands and cannot be removed until both are finished. The player can do whatever they like without spilling the bottles or removing them. Often results in an ambulance arriving.
"Matt put your dick away!"
"I can't! i can't do up my fly coz iv got these damn bottles on my hands! Damn you Edward scrumpyhands!"
"I can't! i can't do up my fly coz iv got these damn bottles on my hands! Damn you Edward scrumpyhands!"
by scutmonkey November 15, 2007
cleaning a clogged toilet without the use of a plunger, usually with the use of hands and/or feet. Usually is followed by disposing of shit by tossing/throwing/chucking out of the bathroom, not necessarily at onlookers, but often in random directions. Often a common occurrence during states of being blacked out and/or acting retarted while drunk.
At shasta, T-hart was acting like a real edward shitterhands after he clogged the only toilet on the houseboat.
Dude theres shit all over the bathroom! Did you turn into an edward shitterhands when you passed out on the toilet last night?
Dude theres shit all over the bathroom! Did you turn into an edward shitterhands when you passed out on the toilet last night?
by Shasta4life2010 November 05, 2010
The name given to the group of Fanpires that prefer vampire Edward Cullen over werewolf shapeshifter Jacob Black in Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series. It's not that they dislike Jacob, Edward is just better.
Jacob fan: Do you read Twilight?
Edward fan: Yeah, I'm Team Edward.
Jacob fan: Pssht. Suicidal much?
Edward fan: Yeah, I'm Team Edward.
Jacob fan: Pssht. Suicidal much?
by Mandy Copeland October 28, 2008