pregame victory lap 

When you preemptively have victory sex or a victory blowy (but never a handy because no one beats it better than you) exactly before any competitive game.

Okay guys, I've already done my pregame victory lap, we can loss with pride now.

pregame victory lap by TheRealMVp19999 September 28, 2017

Trumpian Victory 

Lies that make a defeat look like a victory.

The president claimed a Trumpian Victory even as his entire senior diplomatic staff testified about his criminal conduct regarding withholding funds from the Ukrainian government.

Trumpian Victory by Fuzzybuzzzz November 21, 2019

pete victory 

a brazen declaration of victory full-well knowing you lost

originated from Pete Buttigieg’s celebration of a victory in the 2020 Iowa caucus, before the results that he had not won had come out

“He came 3rd”
“Wtf? He’s telling everyone he won!”
“Ugh, he’s declaring a Pete victory?”

pete victory by gswan February 4, 2020

schumeric victory 

Taking an easily won political victory when your party is in the majority, then instead of building on it and moving forward, you turn back and rat-fuck yourself, your party, and the people you represent.

Senate Majority Leader Schumer won the vote to call witnesses in Donald Trump's second impeachment, which would have been publicly devastating for the Republicans, and then turned it into a schumeric victory by deciding to call zero witnesses.

schumeric victory by Ian M. Noone February 13, 2021

trumpic victory 

When you claim victory & are sore about everyone denying your victory. Even though the reality is you lost. Despite doing everything possible, fair or unfair, to win.

The tangerine is claiming a trumpic victory.

trumpic victory by Ol'D. January 30, 2021

Machiavellian victory

A win for everybody that was never really a win for anybody, since at least one person, if not everybody, lost something to the machine/system, or someone that was part of the machine/system. Disney was/is a master of Machiavellian principles, since people feel like they gain something by waiting in a line at Disneyland/Disney World for 45 minutes of their time instead of an hour of their time. Really it's Disney that gains from this, since people think Disney has a real concern for their families, and not for the Disney reputation and lost dollar signs that would come with any damage to the Disney reputation.

It would be a Machiavellian Victory if one of the two buildings was demolished, or if 4 or 5 of your 10 neighbors homes burned to the ground and yours didn't, you feel like you kept or even gained something by not losing everything, but half of your neighborhood is lost forever and half your neighbors lost everything. So, a Machiavellian victory is when people feel like everybody won because they didn't lose everything, when really just one person or entity actually gained/benefitted from what actually hzppened. Really most wars have casualties, so they are Machiavellian victories if your country doesn't lose a war, since somebody somewhere still lost a family member. Life is a matter of what you lose and not what you win or gain.

Machiavellian victory by The Original Agahnim May 28, 2021

Dutch Victory 

See also: “Dutch Surrender”

A scenario where the outcome of a contest is clearly unknown, but the individual involved (typically a Dutchman) is distracted by an innocuous task and exits abruptly without warning, but later claims victory.

Possible Historical origin- Battle of Gasselterboerveenschemond, where the Dutch infantry fled during a Wallonian military advance in order to “Head home to oil their windmills.” Yet later claiming victory in the history books.

I’ll take $200 Guilder for passing go and now I must leave to put new lacquer on my shoes.

But we’re in the middle of Monopoly.

I still win, I have the most hotels.

Typical Dutch Victory…..

Dutch Victory by DoubleDutchman December 15, 2021