porcelain altar

A Toilet -- Where you go to pray after a night of drinking.

"dude, I dropped out of University to drink full-time; since then I've spent many days praying at the porcelain altar!"

by cpujunkie2007 November 24, 2007

porcelain tsunami

This describes the large wave that hits your butt when you take a big dump.

When that Big Mac came flying out of my anus like a greased monkey, it made a porcelain tsunami and got poop-water all over my cheeks.

by divinething004 January 19, 2005

Porcelain Tuck

When a male awakens with morning wood and goes to take a morning shit, he will often times need to urinate as well. To avoid urinating everywhere except in the toilet due to an erection, one must tuck his erect penis under the toilet seat to hold it down.

"Yo, I had the biggest morning wood today and I had to pull off a porcelain tuck."

by Dr. JRal September 22, 2005

porcelain percussion

Porcelain Percussion is the bass sound heard outside a bathroom when the occupant is involved in a rear-end explosion. This event usually results in having to clean the bowl before exiting the facilities.

Cathy: Damn Bob, that was some serious Porcelain Percussion!! It almost smells as bad as my fold jam.

Bob: Thanks...if you would have done that, your toilet muffin would have slapped you in the head.

by Nate and Mike February 19, 2007

Porcelain palsy

The temporary lack of sensation and occasional paralytic effect on the legs as a result of spending too much time on the toilet, usually due to spending a long time on social media or reading a good book.

I made the mistake of throwing down in a meme war on FB while in the bathroom.
After an hour or so, I couldn't stand up because I was a victim of the dreaded porcelain palsy.

by rev. ray July 30, 2016

Porcelain Drips

Taking a shit but only burning drops of liquid feces are expelled. They sting the sphincter so bad that you grab the handicap bars, grimace with pain, clench your teeth and wish someone would shove an ice cube up your ass just to cool it down. If you didn't know better, you'd think hot lava was pouring from your bung.

Carl partied all night and then made a trip to Taco Hell. He suffered the next morning with the porcelain drips.

by Eaton Holgoode March 1, 2017

Porcelain Lasagne

When one enters a public toilet to discover the previous occupant has decided it’s time for some Italian cuisine.

One must recognise when a poo has been left in a toilet, the next logical step is to create a porcelain lasagne.

Recipe:

Meat - Poo
Cheese - Smegma
Béchamel Sauce - Semen

Pasta Sheets - Bog roll

Prep time - User discrepancy

Serves - 4-6
Preheat your oven to 180° C
Reverse Kangaroo - recommended

Holy fuck, someone has started a porcelain lasagne in this toilet, see you soon boys, it’s time for the cheese layer.

by facelymilkington September 15, 2021