wank hovel

when you have had a bad day, its the place where you go to curl up, wank and cry

"mate, my girlfriend dumped me, didn't leave my wank hovel for 2 weeks"

by smellthatshit78 October 12, 2009

wank slacks

A pair of trousers (usually an old pair of jogging bottoms with an elastic waistband) in which a male can comfortably masturbate whilst wearing, thus creating warmth on a cold night without the need for a duvet or blanket.

Called fap slacks across the Atlantic.

"I see mikes got his wank slacks on, guess we know what he'll be doing later!"

by 240490 September 21, 2012

Wank balance

The level of jizz in the male sexual organs, for example if you haven't had a wank for a week you have a healthy wank balance, if you wank 8 times a day then your overdrawn

I need to refuel the tank - my wank balance is running low after this mornings work out

by sharkfest August 1, 2016

wank-machine

1.(noun) Referring to a person, usually a male, who masturbates obssessively multiple times daily.

2.(noun) Referring, in a degrading manner, to anyone who holds a very high opinion of themselves but is actually just an idiot.

1. Man, Clive is a wank-machine of note. He spanked his little monkey thirteen times yesterday.

2. Fiddy is such a wank-machine.

by Jeby March 20, 2006

Wank fairy

A mysterious being who, after a guy has masturbated in bed and not bothered to wipe up after, arrives and cleans up the area.

Responsible for the disappearance of cum

"The tooth fairy takes teeth - the wank fairy takes jizz - simple as that"

by Benjalo November 16, 2009

wasted wank

When the act of maturbation is disturbed causing loss of momentum or ejaculation in your pants because some inconsiderate person has turned up uninvited

I downloaded some wicked porn last night and was knocking one out then my mum walked through the door 2 hours early as I was just about to shoot my load, what a wasted wank

by Djc2508 January 16, 2014

Grattan wank

Masturbating to the lingerie pages of a clothing catalogue, as you did when you were 13 and couldn't get hold of proper filth.

Also handy for when you want a change of pace from mind-blowing internet-based grot.

(The Grattan catalogue was popular in the Uk about 15 years ago, and had a huge ladies underwear section.)

"Dude, I went old school and had a badass Grattan wank last night"

by Ohfoshizzo November 2, 2009