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The Onioniest Timeline

An acknowledgement that we’re living in The Darkest Timeline, where satirical article concepts and titles formerly championed by The Onion are every-day, real-life news stories.
I just saw a Fox News chyron that read “TRUMP: YOU CAN’T IMPEACH SOMEBODY ‘DOING A GREAT JOB’ “ - another poignant reminder that we’re living in the Onioniest Timeline.
by #ai August 31, 2018
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before the dark times

Before the dark times is a quote said by Obi wan Kenobi in "A New Hope" which is used to say that times where good for the jedi before the empire, this heavy implies that at the moment, Obi wan is having flashbacks to the clone wars and his former Padawan, Anakin Skywalker. It is also used as an expression of when someone changed for the worse
Obi Wan Kenobi: Before the Dark times.... Before the Empire
by KindlyKilling June 3, 2021
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The London Times

What Americans think The Times is called, because they can't invent any of their own names for newspapers and they don't know that it is a national newspaper.
American Tourist: Do you have The London Times?
British Newsagent: Nope, we only have The Times.
Tourist: Which Times is that?
Newsagent: Which do you think?
by The Blue Duck February 14, 2005
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The Burning Times

One of the biggest misconceptions in the world. Contrary to some "Wiccans" beliefs, the Burning Times did not involve the mass hunting and burning of "witches." People weren't hiding their practice of "witchcraft" to prevent themselves from being killed. One african woman was practicing her native religion, likely a form of spirit worship such as voodoo. That was about it. Nearly all other accusations of "witchcraft" were because of things like make-up, adultury, and herb-lore.
Idiot Wiccan (Better known as Fluffy-Bunny): "Never again The Burning Times."
Me: Not much on actual history, outside of what Ravenwolf says, are you?
by Insanity Inc. August 14, 2006
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The Dim Times

John: I wrote back in The Dim Times...
Terry: Fuck your old
by Bmac1234 March 15, 2014
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square bear to the max times a million

An example of a square bear to the max times a million would be sam gordan.
by JessiD December 9, 2007
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the flaming timemachine

When grab an old lady and put hot sause on your dick and fuck all three holes,before you go in each hole you add another layer of hot sause on your dick.
Frank:Damn my dick from last night.
Franks friend:what did you do last night.
Frank:i did the flaming timemachine on this old hoe.
Franks friend:Damn....
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