Fart Fact 12

Believe it or not your arse can tell whether you are going to fart or crimp off a length! The nerves in your rectum can tell whether it’s gas or solids on the move so if you need to let it go, let it go. There is, however, one exception; when you have a case of the runs, Kansas Quickstep if you prefer, and your crap is more liquid, the nerve endings can become confused which can result in a follow through.

“I know Fart Fact 12 says it’s not possible, but when Malcolm farts, it always smells like he he’s crapped himself.”

by AKACroatalin October 31, 2019

Fart Fact 9

Farts travel quite quickly at around 3.05 meters per second, which is roughly 7 miles per hour, which is faster than your average jogger who moves at about 6 miles per hour.

“If you are jogging and you fart will it overtake you?”
“Yes, Fart Fact 9!”

by AKACroatalin October 29, 2019

Fart Fact 2

Only 1% of your fart actually smells! Even that little SBD you sneaked out that had everyone in the room wondering if the sewage works had broken down, even that was 99% of that was odourless gases like carbon dioxide, hydrogen, nitrogen, oxygen, and methane. The 1% that smells is hydrogen sulphide and when you consider just how bad farts can smell it should come as no surprise that hydrogen sulphide is poisonous. It was even considered as a poison gas during WW1 but was too easily detected (the smell, of course).

“Malcolm’s just caused a major pollution event.”
“Let another one go has he?”
“He must be producing more than 1%, it’s contradicting Fart Fact 2!”

by AKACroatalin October 27, 2019

Fart Fact 1

Over 99% of the gases in a fart don’t smell! This is because a fart is mostly oxygen, nitrogen, carbon dioxide, hydrogen and methane. Nitrogen is not produced in the gut, but comes from the air we breathe.

“Malcolm’s just let go a right stinker!”
“Yeah, he’s the living antithesis of Fart Fact 1.”

by AKACroatalin October 27, 2019

All facts no fib

When all you got is facts and there is no possibility of any fibbing whatsoever.

Bro: "bruh this grilled cheese is fucking bomb"
Me: "hell yeah bro, all facts no fib"

by Wagwaninator October 30, 2019

bucking the hard facts

A saying coined by Paul G. Hewitt, author of Conceptual Physics, which describes the disregard of an established law or fact.

"Meteorologists try their best, but they are bucking the hard facts of chaos in nature."

by RMKU November 21, 2013

Fart Fact 6

If you think you fart a lot, guess again, you probably don't fart as much as you think you do. Often, people go to their doctor complaining of having too much gas, but chances are, they are just imagining it. These people are usually told to go home and keep a record of when they fart. Gastroenterologist Dr Michael Levitt found that most of these people fall within the normal range of farts per day (see fart fact 5) and merely need to be shown that they are normal.

“Malcolm’s letting rip again, one of the exceptions to fart fact 6.”

by AKACroatalin October 27, 2019