Fart Fact 9

Farts travel quite quickly at around 3.05 meters per second, which is roughly 7 miles per hour, which is faster than your average jogger who moves at about 6 miles per hour.

“If you are jogging and you fart will it overtake you?”
“Yes, Fart Fact 9!”

by AKACroatalin October 29, 2019

All facts no fib

When all you got is facts and there is no possibility of any fibbing whatsoever.

Bro: "bruh this grilled cheese is fucking bomb"
Me: "hell yeah bro, all facts no fib"

by Wagwaninator October 30, 2019

Fart Fact 1

Over 99% of the gases in a fart don’t smell! This is because a fart is mostly oxygen, nitrogen, carbon dioxide, hydrogen and methane. Nitrogen is not produced in the gut, but comes from the air we breathe.

“Malcolm’s just let go a right stinker!”
“Yeah, he’s the living antithesis of Fart Fact 1.”

by AKACroatalin October 27, 2019

Fart Fact 13

Holding in a fart won’t harm you. You're not going to explode or damage your gut, but sooner or later your body is going to get rid of that gas, so why not consider letting it go when it will have the most effect.

“Mikey got slung out of church!”
“Why?”
“Well, he knew fart fact 13 and was holding one in. The vicar got up to do the sermon and his text was from Proverbs, ‘I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes and cinnamon’ and Mikey let it go!”
“What happened?”
“Half of the people were outraged and half were pissing themselves, and Mikey got slung out.”

by AKACroatalin November 1, 2019

Fart Fact 3

If you eat certain food groups they can make your farts smell worse. When you eat a lot of sulphur rich foods like eggs and meat, your farts will smell worse because met and eggs breaks down to create hydrogen sulphide, which leads to the emission of the so-called rotten-egg fart.

“Malcolm says he only eats meat, eggs and dairy products.”
“No wonder his farts stink so much, he’s living proof of Fart Fact 3”

by AKACroatalin October 27, 2019

Fart Fact 12

Believe it or not your arse can tell whether you are going to fart or crimp off a length! The nerves in your rectum can tell whether it’s gas or solids on the move so if you need to let it go, let it go. There is, however, one exception; when you have a case of the runs, Kansas Quickstep if you prefer, and your crap is more liquid, the nerve endings can become confused which can result in a follow through.

“I know Fart Fact 12 says it’s not possible, but when Malcolm farts, it always smells like he he’s crapped himself.”

by AKACroatalin October 31, 2019

Fart Fact 7

There are lots of fart jokes, but this one holds a record, it’s around 4000 years old and is the oldest known joke. It's an ancient Sumerian proverb that says, "Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman who did not fart in her husband's lap.”

Fart fact 7 must have happened to every bloke who has ever had a girl sit on his lap.

by AKACroatalin October 27, 2019