Shaving the Beard

When a heterosexual woman divorces her gay husband.

After 30 years of unknowingly acting as Bruce's beard, Cindy finally divorced him after he got caught red-handed at the gay bar.

Bruce: I'm sorry I didn't tell you that I was gay when we got married. Will you stay married to me and pretend that we have sex?

Cindy: I think it's time you came out of the closet - I'm shaving the beard!

by Steve Fraser September 21, 2011

Bearded Pope

The act of shitting on the face of an elderly Catholic.

He was fuming after being given a bearded pope

by dcj278 July 6, 2011

U-Beard

Lower half of a goatee in the shape of a U due to lack of proper beard growing skills.

Ben Roethlisberger has been spotted sporting a U-Beard

by Don Lars December 12, 2009

Beard Kisser

A derogatory term for someone who likes to kiss bearded men or just men in general. Can be referring to a homosexual or anyone who prefers bearded men.

Jim - "Hey i saw John making out with a dude last night."

Jeff - "What!?! I didnt know he was a Beard kisser!"

by Gimli Smith October 22, 2012

Bearded Nelson

Someone who attempts to grow facial hair while being physically unable to grow a complete, bushy bear-like beard, and instead sports what is best descirbed as 'peach fuzz'.
This person is usually fairly young, and should probably wait a few years before tying to sport facial hair again.

This look us often paired with a mullet.

Friend 1: Hey look at that guy over there, he can't even grow a proper beard like a real man.
Friend 2: Yeah that is a proper bearded Nelson, mate.

by Hankorus, King of the Beards November 27, 2012

zombie-beard

A combination of zombie apocalypse and neck beard. It it well known that neckbeards are obsessed with the collapse of society, so they fantasize about some kind of apocalypse. The thing is that most neck beards are either extremely over or underweight there for extremely unathlectic, so in the extremely unlikely events of an apocalypse they will most likely be the ones to die first for obvious reason. I’ll give them credit that they usually know a lot about survival, but that’s about it. There are three main reasons why they have this mindset.
1) They don’t have the social skills to fit into normal society

2) There are no marriage laws so they can force a fair maiden to court them and be some kind of white knight
3) They think their gonna be Rick Grimes from the Walking Dead or maybe even a Daryl, but in reality they’re most likely a Eugene

4) They think they will somehow out live all the athletes and chads
In the end why the hell would anyone want anything a horrible as some kind of apocalypse to happen. I mean seeing all your loved ones get eaten and die that’s just plain awful.

Yes people like this actually exist
Zombie-beard: I’m so ready for the apocalypse I have all my katanas and machine guns!
“Chad”: How will you outrun them? You’re 300lbs?
Zombie-beard: I won’t run like a coward I’ll kill them all! You ignorant simpleton!
“Chad”: Whatever man.
*zombie outbreak*
“Chad”: Oh shit! Run!
Zombie-beard: *gets eaten* AHHHHH! NO! THIS IS NOT HOW IT TURNS OUT IN MY THE WALKING DEAD FAN-FICTIONS MAGGIE WAS SUPPOSED TO LEAVE GLENN FOR A REAL GENTLEMAN LIKE MEEE!!1!
Maggie: Who is that guy?
Glenn: No idea

by Thequeenofbasicbitchery October 28, 2017

beard maturation

When a man's beard starts to spread to new and different territory over the course of his life.

beard maturation

son: pa, I didn't shave for three days, and now my stubble's gone further up my cheeks.

pa: son, I'm darn proud of ya. You are becoming a man!

pa: now git the Norelco!

by someonefromearth January 1, 2010