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Church History

A soul-sucking and pointless course you are forced to take your junior year at Mount de Sales. Taught by an insane Filipino lady, it is designed to make your brain implode before the final exam. Everyone sleeps in the class and no one learns a single thing because the teacher just goes off on monologues for an hour and a half and no one can understand her accent. Then comes the final exam and you're expected to know everything that happened from Jesus' crucifixion to the Diet of Worms. Whatever the fuck that is.
Mom: So what'd you learn in church history today?

Me: Oh, I learned about all the different heresies, protestantism, etc. We've also had about 54385798327549 bad popes.

Sue: Church history is the biggest waste of life.

Me: I do my precalc homework in that class.

Me: So... this Church history exam....

Ellen: Fuck that shit.
by screaminghallelujah6 December 12, 2011
mugGet the Church Historymug.

church kink

someone who really wants to have sex or gets off on the idea of having sex in a church
bro i have such a church kink
by herbeveevebbe March 26, 2022
mugGet the church kinkmug.

Church Grab

1) When someone makes a sexual advance on another person in a church or other place of worship. 2) A sexual rendezvous at a religious institution.
I gave Susan a church grab about half-way through service, when they asked everyone to greet their neighbors.
by Pteropus February 12, 2021
mugGet the Church Grabmug.

Old Church

An old church is a beautiful masterpiece of religious architecture and will stand out in any town or setting. Old Churches that are either made from wood or from stone are different from more modern churches simply because they feature a beautiful relaxing space with lots of nice colours. Lots of elegant churches like this can be found a lot in England, America, Australia and New Zealand. They look the best when they are in a country setting with surrounding trees and lakes.
I prefer "Old Churches" rather than modern churches
by BlackTie12 February 21, 2020
mugGet the Old Churchmug.

Church Coffee

Horrible coffee made exclusively by churches. It is always way too weak and tastes odd. They just can't get it right!
guy 1: Hey, how's the coffee?
guy 2: Horrible, it tastes like Church Coffee.
guy 1: Gross. Lets get a Monster instead.
by palindrome216 July 6, 2011
mugGet the Church Coffeemug.

The Church of Piss

The church in which those who sit around it are mesmerized and are turned in to a transcended form. It is stated that those who come to the church every Tuesday instead of eating tacos are rewarded with a cup of piss in there hand within a chalice. Those who receive it may drink from the chalice and they may see a blessed video of the legend himself known as sodahead 13.
"What are you doing today?"
"I'm going to the church and try and get some piss."
"Oh, the Church of Piss!"
by haha pee pee uh oh stinky poo September 30, 2019
mugGet the The Church of Pissmug.

Church friend

Friends people claim to be from church but are actually from something more suspicious. Such as an orgy, sex cult, or dog fighting ring.
I was hanging out with my "church friends" yesterday. I felt things I haven't in a long while ;)
by Gamer34 April 17, 2022
mugGet the Church friendmug.

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