Taking matters into your own hands

Masturbating
Choking the chicken
Beating the bishop
Slap boxing the one-eyed champ
Holding your sausage hostage
Squeezing the cream from the flesh twinkie
Having a date with Pam and her five friends
Having a tug-o-war with the cyclops
"the five finger knuckle shuffle on the one-eyed, blue-veined, purple-headed, custard-chucking, salty yogurt slinger."

"Mary rejecting him for sex once again, Larry had to take matters into his own hands."

by Johnny Pot Smoker September 5, 2003

bare mattress nigga

A lower class person that doesn't have a sheet on their mattress

Your broke ass bare mattress nigga

by thundermen June 9, 2016

Mattress Dance

Slang for sexual intercourse.

Bill and Maria performed a mattress dance in front of their video camera last night!

by Me69 March 30, 2006

trivial matters

Trivial Matters: Things in life that have almost no value. A lot of people care too much about these things and some use these matters against others to boost their self esteem.

Mary: Karla misspelled you're on Facebook. That means she is stupid and I am better than her.
Amy: You should not judge people on trivial matters. She is probably very smart in her own way and that could have been a typo. It's Facebook! Chill out and stop caring about stupid stuff.

by Universal One Love October 27, 2013

Mattersville

We spend our golden years in Mattersville. We can do whatever we want, whatever we please.

Lets go to mattersville.

by Kay Pee October 12, 2010

mattress mambo

Another term for having sex... fucking... getting busy...

Those two people are about to go have mattress mambo!

by Marco D April 21, 2006

mattress worship

Refers to the decision to stay in bed when you are too tired to get up and go to church.

“Bottom doesn’t go to church; he prefers mattress worship.”

by Bottom Ford April 18, 2010