Satanic Jesus

Jesus with horns, a pitchfork and a devil's tail adorned with a crown of thorns. He has a shepherd's crook and a pentagram necklace. Ruler of Hellven. He walks on cloven hoof. You must forgive him for everybody's sins since he's taking responsibility for them.

"The rod and the staff of Satanic Jesus is the comforting key to eternal salivation!"

by ANOTHERDEADROMEO April 27, 2023

Jesus

What if Jesus was a fat guy with curly/bushy and dark hair, but nobody knows it because they always see a skinny guy with fair hair that looks like a Northern European in a stained glass window at a church? What if the church wanted the image that would draw in the most money, instead of the true image, isn't that a possibility?

Nobody was alive back when Jesus was, so he might have been a fat guy with curly/bushy hair that looks nothing like what people usually see at church.

by Solid Mantis February 12, 2021

Jesus cable

A Jesus cable is a cable that will likely cause death, fire or an explosion, like a 220V to USB-C cable.

Mate A: Don't plug that one in.
Mate B: Why?
Mate A: It's a Jesus cable, you'll die if you do.

by SmokeAlt2EveryDay August 21, 2023

Jesus jazz

Christian rock performed in a megachurch (often by dudes whose 80's hair bands didn't make it big).

She's all into Jesus jazz and bible study.

by whittlesshittlestendervittles December 30, 2012

Jesus Alvarez

a cute boy , usually Hispanic popular' you are not worth his time unless your nice or you earn it he seems mean but is really sweet and kind he is competitive good hair athletic usually plays a sport like football or wrestling is awesome with babies and loves them short dosent weigh much but still super cute he has a bit of a bubble butt usually kinda dumb cause he can't realize the perfect girl is right in front of him

Girl A: Man you are so lucky to be dating Jesus Alvarez

Girl B: ikr he is so sweet but it took some time for him to like me but he is amazing

by hiramlodge June 10, 2018