This is my adaptation of the old saying "Don't count your chickens before they hatch". It essentially means the same thing which is not to depend/rely on something until you actually posses it or it has come to fruition (although this has a more sexual and masaginistic twist to it.
Jeremy, inventor of the jarvik artificial heart, is counting on buying a new car with money he'd potentially make from manufacturing DMT, a highly potent psychedelic tryptamine, in his home laboratory and illegally distributing it on the street to worthless junkies. His intentions are to use his new car to carry out a violent and fatal drive-by shooting on this kid mitch who punked him on some fake molly, a powerful version of the popular rave drug ecstasy. His lover/best friend, rat-tail, knows there is a high likelihood that a number of things could go wrong and that he might not actually make the money he intends on making and may even get popped or blow up his house during the process of refining the DMT. He says to his home girl rat-tail, "Yo biatch when I get me that sweet 97' Plymouth Prowler we're gonna go bust some caps in 'dem asses son". Rat-tail replies "Yo I know your penis is gargantuan and what not, but how do you know you are going to get that cheddar to get that ride to put down those trifling ass punk bitches? I mean all I'm saying Jeremy, inventor of the jarvik artificial heart, is DON'T COUNT YOUR CHICKEN HEADS BEFORE THEY SWALLOW".
by The Dark Anus (JC) November 6, 2007
A dark story for children that ends with the words "Perhaps She'll Die", with the exception of the very end where the old lady is finally dead.
Guy 1: Did you hear how there was an old lady with skin patches who swallowed a horse?
Guy 2: No what happened to her?
Guy 1: She died
Guy 2: Why did nobody help her?
Guy 1: She died after she ate the horse with patches and became deaf and her skin fell off
Guy 2: Wtf!
Guy 2: No what happened to her?
Guy 1: She died
Guy 2: Why did nobody help her?
Guy 1: She died after she ate the horse with patches and became deaf and her skin fell off
Guy 2: Wtf!
by panda_patches May 7, 2013
This is a very nice and witty way to say f#%k off in the pacific northwest because there is a large Dicks burgers chain all around that everyone grew up with, so the meaning will not be lost on an adult and any nearby children will not be scarred.
Officer, The db level is withing legal guidelines for this time of day so tell my neighbor i said to Go eat a bag of Dicks and swallow a vanilla shake while you're at it
by ultrasupernectar2 October 8, 2012
"i just swallowed the white stuff just to make sure it doesnt stain anywhere, now it just regurgitaed out of my mouth, now its back on the floor"
by wandamaximoffismilfhornyslut March 13, 2023
by Big word boi March 28, 2022
Actions of a pill-head.
by Palmtree18 December 17, 2021
When you decapitate your partner and then have sex with the hole where their head was supposed to be while the head is watching during the 7 minutes of consciousness and finishing inside their esophagus... to make it kinkier have the head eat the asshole out involuntarily...
Liz and Ben found themselves in her room and she offered a guaranteed swallow... Ben unfortunately took it in the wrong direction.
by franksforthememories January 28, 2016