Bad News Brad

A lumbering, sub-human brute with a bulbous frame and an unnaturally wide base. His thick, fat, calloused hooves are often crammed into women’s footwear. His face, a big, dumb, perfectly round slab of confusion, sits atop his hairy mass, though his scalp remains curiously barren. He speaks in a slow, monotone drawl, as if each word is a struggle against his own stupidity.

Chronically late to work and a walking medical mystery (at least in his own mind), he suffers from an extreme case of hypochondria. His days are punctuated by dramatic medical ailments, followed by frantic calls for an ambulance to ferry him from his own home, only for doctors to confirm, yet again, that absolutely nothing is wrong.

A connoisseur of filth, this swamp-dwelling specimen produces greasy, bile-ridden shits at an alarming rate. He is a walking biohazard, harboring every known strain of hepatitis along with a few that science has yet to discover.

Despite his Neanderthal-like attributes, Brad possesses a shockingly average IQ. However, his dental history suggests a level of neglect that has single-handedly funded his dentist’s children’s college tuition. Though Big Bad Brad’s underwear is often covered in matted hair and shit, he remains a friend to all and, in his free time, a self-proclaimed world-class chiropractor, despite having no formal training or hygiene standards.

After clogging the toilet for the third time that week, Bad News Brad waddled out, wiped his sweaty brow, and blamed it on his undiagnosed heart condition.

by Dwaggerbomb March 13, 2025

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bad boy booth

A confessional. In Catholicism, it’s required to confess your sins to a priest inside a fully enclosed booth. This is part of the sacrament of reconciliation, and must be done in order to be in good standing with the church. Sins can be major like killing someone to something minor such as masturbating or smoking weed. Either way, they both must be confessed the same.

John: I had the craziest night last night, hotboxed it with Julia before she gave me head for 30 minutes.

Paul: Thats dope bro. Gonna go to the bad boy booth this Sunday?

John: Of course, I kinda have to.

by TriBeCaBoy56 August 10, 2024

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bad pen pal

You meet a girl on a date, but realize you're not quite ready to get in a relationship. She calls you messy but reluctantly gives you her phone number. She then calls you her best pen pal and you talk every day on the phone. You realize later that life is short and you want more than pen pals. You ask her things like do pen pals kiss and she asks if you want to go to Mexico with her. A few months later, you find yourself renting a house next door to her but not sure how to surprise her with it.

Girl: did your phone get hacked? pen pals don't ask about kissing
Guy: I've been thinking about kissing you, I've been a bad pen pal

by #1penpal September 1, 2022

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