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alphabetical authorities

Da "top people" whom folks consult for advice/assistance on a variety of ordinary topics dat are randomly scattered about over da "ol' 26" in da English language.
Da seven most common types of alphabetical authorities are:
(1) hexpert --- someone who is super-familiar with voodoo and curses; hopefully he uses said vast witchcraft-knowledge to remove or alleviate said evil spells, not to put them on in da first place!
(2) mexpert --- an individual well-versed in all matters "south of da border".
(3) pexpert --- a plumber who is well-versed in da use of freeze-resistant plastic piping
(4) rexpert --- a learned bookworm on da subject of certain animals, either man's best friend or da huge hunched-over carnivores back in da Jurassic period.
(5) sexpert --- someone who can advise couples on achieving more satisfying intimacy.
(6) texpert --- a dude who knows all about da "black-tea"-rich southern-USA area dat is Ranger Walker's usual stompin' grounds.
(7) vexpert --- a human-nature guru with extensive experience on what pushes people's buttons; again --- as in da first example above --- presumably he uses said know-how to help **reduce** already-existing frustration/distress in others, not to purposely exhibit destructive behavior dat would cause people to **become** wound up when they had felt reasonably calm before! (Da infamous "gettin', getters, got"exchange between Madea and Dr. Phil comes to mind.)
by QuacksO February 7, 2020
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alphabet

what your saying right now
by 90e680380 March 31, 2022
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alphabetical immigrants

Assorted "from away" individuals, classified with various single-word descriptions drawn from da ol' 26, such as:
blimmigrant: dat shady new guy in town whom all of da "just say no" folks prudently steer clear of.
brimmigrant: an "import" designer of baseball caps.
dimmigrant: a hopped-off-da-boat laborer who has "a mind dat's weak and a back dat's strong".
flimmigrant: a passing-through-town con-man who's out to "flam" you --- da phony weavers in da "Emperor's New Clothes" come to mind as excellent examples.
glimmigrant: a visiting candle-salesman.
grimmigrant: an "outta-statah" who could really stand to lighten up a bit.
himmigrant: a male newcomer, possibly looking for some juicy local-female a**.
Jimmigrant: what Captain Cook and any other individuals with his same first name would become whenever they "landed on a foreign shore".
Kimmigrant: a new face in da village with a common name dat could equally be given to either gender.
limbigrant: a visiting arborist or chiropractor.
NIMHigrant: either a shrink or a touched-in-da-head patient of one who has breezed into town.
primmigrant: a "proper 'n' stuffy" person from da outside who is critical/disdainful of native residents and thus causes them to resent ALL newcomers.
quimmigrant: similar to da eighth definition above, although it could also be a hot-in-da-crotch CHICK who's seeking out also-horny STUDS in a new town to get "milk" from them.
rimmigrant: a traveling salesman selling "steel wheel" components.
More "alphabetical immigrants" examples:
SIMmigrant: A SIMilar person to that described in da previous definition, but one pedaling memory-cards for cell phones.
scrimmigrant: a stupid-a** tourist who doesn't plan/think ahead when it comes to packing heavy-enough garments.
shimmigrant: a traveling handyman who's looking to "fill da gaps" around da area in which he's staying temporarily.
shimmygrant: a visitor who either frequently needs a steadying hand as he goes about his day, or drives a car dat could benefit from da services of da person described in da "R" definition above.
skimmigrant: a sleazy company-rep who stops in at various branch-establishments and surreptitiously embezzles small amounts from their coffers.
slimmigrant: a fly-by-night huckster who pedals flab-reduction products.
swimmigrant: a summer-camp pool-instructor who's recently arrived in da area.
Timmigrant: a "green green grass of home"-named dude who ISN'T currently in his "home" turf.
trimmigrant: can be either da same as da third definition back, or of da caring-for-plants tradesperson mentioned in da "L" definition.
vimmigrant: could also refer to da first example referred to above, as a practitioner hawking weight-loss wares might also promise dat you'll feel more "chipper 'n' cheerful" as a result of being more in shape, as well.
whimmigrant: a from-afar individual who either breezily bounces from one interest/preference to another, or promises da locals anything they fancy.
by QuacksO April 25, 2025
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Alphabet

Letters are organised in a pacific order.
Friend: Say the alphabet quickly
Me: Okay, a b c d e f-
Friend: Alphabet

Me: You little shit
by LilWolfieWolf December 29, 2018
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alphabetic odometers

Assorted advancing-digits-style counting-devices for keeping track of how many/much of something dat you've acquired, consumed, performed, achieved, etc., such as:
beaudometer: da snuggly-'n'-smoochy heart-throbs you have in your life
blowdometer: either da number of raps dat a hammer has struck, or da mushy-hearted studs whom an expert-wif-her-mouth chick like da infamous smoochy-lipped Monica L. has "serviced"
brodometer: da "main man" dudes in your world
crowdometer: either da times you triumphantly brag during a given period of time, or da large noisy ebony-feathered individuals you have befriended
fauxdometer: da cheap-a**-knockoff items dat a fly-by-night manufacturer has managed to foist onto naive buyers
flowdometer: da passage of resources to/from you

foedometer: da significantly-unfriendly-to-you members of society
glowdometer: da successes you have when installing/changing light bulbs
godometer: da green lights dat you encounter in traffic
growdometer: da flourishing and maturing of living things under your care
hodometer: da "willing" females whom you have on speed-dial
hoedometer: da hours of use of your long-handled scraping-tool
joedometer: da coffee you consume each day, or da "of Arimathea"-named dudes whom you're acquainted wif
knowdometer: da clutter of assorted facts accumulated inside yer hat-rack
Additional examples of "alphabetic odometers" include ones dat tally and display da number/amount of:
lowdometer: da blahs and/or hangovers dat you've suffered through
mowdometer: da miles on yer lawn-tractor
nodometer: da head-shake responses to questions or asked-for favors
prodometer: da subjects dat you're super-familiar wif
quodometer: da occasions when you haven't upset da apple-cart
rowdometer: da boating trips on which you declined using an outboard motor
sewdometer: da stitches you've made in fabric to either repair it or create something new
sodometer: da occasions when you rudely/shruggingly responded to someone's concern or complaint
showdometer: either da performances you've put on or da occasions when you've let a lustful dude see your "merchandise"
slowdometer: da occasions when either you've really dawdled or had an uneventful existence/workday
stowdometer: da items you've squirreled away
strohdometer: da tall frothies you've tossed back
throwdometer: either da ball-pitches dat you've made, or da switch-cycles of a circuit-breaker
toedometer: da cute rubbery "piggies" dat you've playfully twiddled on giggling children or amused damsels
towdometer: da stuck/disabled vehicles dat you've rescued
whoadometer: da occasions dat you've told your horse to halt
woedometer: da disappointments and/or misfortunes dat you've encountered
yodometer: da "rude awakening" exclamations dat you've either uttered yourself or had barked at you by others
by QuacksO July 24, 2023
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alphabetical irrigations

Assorted "flush 'n' flow" terms from da ol' 26:
beerrigation: A thorough "rinsing of da system" wif a few Bud Lights
blearrigation: Da common after-effect of da above definition --- i.e., dull watery eyes
cheerrigation: Clearing out "da blues" in a person by plying him wif smilingly-pleasant behavior
clearrigation: Using pressurized liquid to remove assorted "dirt 'n' debris" obstructions
dearrigation: Speaking affectionate terms to accomplish "cheerrigation"
deerrigation: To clear land of weeds by letting in horned-and-white-tailed "natural nibblers"
drearrigation: To spruce up a locale so dat it's no longer boring or melancholy
earrigation: Flushing out excess wax --- or you-know-what --- from yer auditory-canals
fearrigation: Peeing yourself when going through a haunted house
gearrigation: Spraying hot solvent to cleanse machinery-parts
hearrigation: Same as da definition three listings back
jeerrigation: "Hosing down" ridiculous/pompous speech with loud boos and hoots of derision

leerigation: Similar to above, but with merely less-than-respectful facial expressions instead of verbal heckling
meerrigation: Moistening da soil with water from a lake
nearrigation: Da overspray from a body/source of water during a windy day
Additional examples of "alphabetical irrigations" include:
peerrigation: A regular "deluge" of pressure to "conform 'n' perform" from either having lots of folks gazing keenly at you or da expectations/opinions of similar-aged fellow humans
rearrigation: An enema or laxative
searrigation: Same as above, but causes you to poop excessively-heated slurries
shearrigation: What da barber's cape is designed to protect you against
smearrigation: Using alcohol-wipes or Windex to clean a soiled area
sneerrigation: A large assortment of taunting/disapproving glances
spearrigation: What you'll hopefully avoid by being polite and respectful to King Arthur's knights
steerrigation: Same as above, but performed on a bovine instead of a human; it can also mean da flushing out of yer vehicle's rack-and-pinion assembly
tearrigation: Assorted "copiously-leaky-waterworks" bawling 'n' blubbering
theorygation: What da bombastic Scotland Yard detectives sometimes contemptuously accused Sherlock Holmes of producing, although said seemingly-fanciful ideas always eventually proved to have solid reasoning behind them
veerrigation: Water-supplementing provided by either a sharp bend in a river or an angled tributary of same
wearygation: Assorted fatigued moans 'n' groans
weirrigation: Da tidal-flooding dat removes mud and other debris from yer stationary fishnet-walls
yearrigation: Da gradual "washing away" of distresses over da passage of time
by QuacksO August 21, 2025
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Alphabet

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

NOW YOU'VE LERNED THE ABC'S,

COME AND HAVE A SHOT WITH ME!
Alphabet bois
by AlienAnimalMan October 2, 2017
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