Murphy's Law of Customer-Assistance

"You can stroll a store's aisles till Doomsday and never spot da item you want, but then, just as soon as you interrupt a staffperson to ask for help in locating said desirable, THAT'S when you will notice your sought-after item right off!"

While stocking up on food at a Super Walmart, I was looking for larger packages of Armour Vienna sausage so that I could save a few cents per can, but although I had thoroughly searched the surrounding areas on the shelves, I still hadn't found anything bigger than the small six-packs, so I finally asked a nearby employee if there were any of the larger packages in stock, possibly in the back room. Well, just as we were both walking back to the area of the aisle where I'd been looking, THAT'S when I finally spied the 12-packs that were sitting on the very top shelf! Guess that was a classic case of Murphy's Law of Customer-Assistance... ah, well, again, the 12-packs were indeed sitting very high up, so at least that was a plausible excuse for my not having seen them before, especially since the store usually doesn't even expect its customers to notice stuff that's placed 'way up there, anyway; that "lofty" location is merely where they store extra merchandise for replenishing the lower-down shelves when the stock there starts to run low.

by QuacksO May 14, 2019

Murphy's Law of Intersections

"You can 'watch 'n' observe' as carefully as you please while driving and you will still miss your turn-off, and so no amount of continued 'Oh, I'm sure it's just around the next curve" tootling further down the road will bring you to it. But if you do actually decide to turn around and go back to see if you did inadvertently pass your desired intersection, it will of course NOT be 'back there', and you will subsequently find out that you'd been within just a few hundred yards of it at the point when you'd turned around, and so you simply wasted gas and time by backtracking; it had indeed been 'just around the next corner', and so you'd have reached it the first time if you simply hadn't been so gol-durned impatient."

I missed my turn-off during a road-trip because I was carefully watching out for traffic and thus never noticed the side-road I wanted --- classic case of Murphy's Law of Intersections!

by QuacksO May 18, 2019

Murphy's Law of Foul-Weather Gear

"If you 'prepare for the worst' by bringing along extra jackets/gloves, an umbrella, etc., then the skies will be sunny and mild all the time you're 'out 'n' about'. But if you decide to leave all that stuff behind at home and set out on your trip in just your ordinary street-clothes, there'll be a bleepin' MONSOON or HURRICANE!

The morning started out kinda overcast and nippy, so I brought an umbrella, thick hoodie-jacket, and gloves with me when I set out to run some errands around town. Well, naturally, once I got a fair distance from home and thus I didn't wanna traipse all the way back to put everything away again, the sun came out and the day got really warm, and so I was just feverishly lugging all that extra stuff around with me for nothing... classic case of "Murphy's Law of Foul-Weather Gear", I guess.

by QuacksO May 18, 2019

Dillys Law

If you are unable to joke about being a paedophile, you are one.

He won't joke about being a paedo, therefore under Dillys Law...he's a paedo

by Jamesrjbh May 20, 2019

spirit of the law

An alcoholic beverage that is used to bribe a government official to "cut you some slack" or "look the other way" during an inspection, audit, or investigation.

A classic "spirit of the law" joke, from an old 90's-era "Hagar the Horrible" cartoon:
IRS auditor: Hello, Mr. Horrible; I'm from the IRS, and I'm here to audit your income tax return.
Hagar (calling over his shoulder into the house): Bring me out a bottle of my best wine, Helga!
IRS auditor (making a huge huffy show of shocked indignance): You DARE try to BRIBE ME with a BOTTLE OF WINE?!??
Hagar (with cheerful imperturbability): Make that TWO bottles, Helga!
IRS auditor: (smiles broadly and closes his eyes in smug satisfaction --- hey, HE was no more morally-upstanding than the NEXT corrupt official; he just needed Hagar to "up the ante" a bit to get him to "take a soft approach" in his investigation! :P)

by QuacksO June 3, 2019

Law of Rhyme

Any statement which is uttered in rhyme MUST be considered the absolute truth.

Bylaw: The Law of Rhyme only applies when an adult talks. The Law of Rhyme does not apply when children rhyme. A child rhyme should usually be considered false.

To ignore the Law of Rhyme is considered a crime.

by The One True Savior June 4, 2019

Law of worthless teachers

the more you fit this category below the more useless the teacher/professor is to society.
1. number of kids about to fall asleep
2.number of kids absent
3. number of kids who goes to the restroom
4. number of kids who fail your class
5. number of kids who hates you <BIG ONE>
6. number of kids who drops out the first week of class

ex. JOHNNY was sleeping in class with 5 of his buddies. the teacher did nothing. He was so tired of teaching that he walked out to take a ciggy in the bathroom. half the class ditched the teacher to by KFC and watermelon on the side of the street just outside the school.

TEACH fits the Law of worthless teachers

by KFCmanagerLilice June 8, 2019