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octopus fucking a bag pipe 

A term used by professional divers (see monkey fucking a football) to describe a particular person or organizations discombobulated attempt to complete a task. (Note the diver has air hoses and is underwater)
Holy shit! You’re so tangled in your own lines and hoses you look like an octopus fucking a bag pipe.

Monkey fucking a bowling ball

A manufactured problem, one that is easy to solve but not convient to the person responsible for manufacturing it. Normally it's a self solving problem, often created by management level decision makers, and would potentially negatively affect the person being asked for help in solving the problem. Artificial urgency is often imparted bu the bowling ball owner, along with the inability to self rescue & lack of understanding about the basic problem and their part in it.

A monkey would be done enjoying the bowling ball in time, without need or risk to the person trying to stop the monkey. It may attack, bite or otherwise retaliate if interrupted, but by waiting it will simply go away.

Mammals don't respond well to coitus interruptus, a bowling ball can be washed later with no risk to the person being asked for help.
A couple saw a cute bear in the park and stopped to feed it. The bear decided to finish eating their picnic basket, in the back seat. In a hurry to leave called the park rangers "Just wait a while, the bear will finish up and leave' the ranger suggested, and turning to their coworker says 'monkey fucking a bowling ball'

this dude is actually fucking a dead body 

Brian: “this dude is actually fucking a dead body”
Jake: “what the hell why would he do something as horrible as that?”
Brian: “he said no homo tho
Jake: “oh ok it’s fine then”

The words I am saying... Are not a trick you retarded fucking asshole

The words I am saying... Are not a trick you retarded fucking asshole.
Hym Iam "The words I am saying... Are not a trick you retarded fucking asshole! What the actual fuck is wrong with you?"

what a fucking nigger 

PewDiePie's catchphrase
PewDiePie - *playing PUBG* What a fucking nigger. Jeez oh my god. What the fuck. Sorry but what the fuck.

10 years in the joint made you a fucking pussy 

nishiki: 10 years in the joint made you a fucking pussy